from the archives
disclaimer: I'm already worried that I will end writing too much about being pregnant, and then when the kid arrives...but screw it. My blog has never been super popular and I'm not entirely sure what you expect if it's not my random thoughts. And those thoughts now include babies. So, I will try to make it relatively general and funny (because this shit is awkward in so many ways) but it's going to pop up.
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I haven’t fully gotten to the super joyous part of being pregnant. I think it will come. But the first trimester is basically three months of feeling like crap- and I had it so much easier than most. But I could definitely tell that my body wasn’t operating at it’s full capacity (which really sucks because I had finally gotten into a good routine at the gym and was feeling great and even loosing weight).
And now that I’ve kinda burst the bubble and it’s officially out, my co-workers and constantly asking me how I’m feeling and watching what I’m doing.
I appreciate their concern- but at times it can be overwhelming.
I know I’ve probably beaten this dead horse a lot too, but I was a military wife. Like, at 18. So a huge immediate part of my life as an adult was doing stuff on my own.
So when I’ve gained a total of 3 lbs and have energy for the first time in two and a half months, it’s tough to accept when someone gets in my face about picking up a box that weighs less than 10 lbs. I feel like some people just want me to sit in a bubble for the next 6 months, and I just can’t do that. I don’t want to, and it’s not good for me OR the kid. I know things have changed and now women are encouraged to keep up some form of exercise, but people have these really strong beliefs that you just can’t shake.
It’s tough. It’s tough for me to accept that I can’t do things for myself- and it’s tough to ask for help.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
While I’ve read this verse about a million times, it really slapped me in the face last week as I bitched about everyone bitching at me.
I’ve heard about how beautiful and natural pregnancy is, and I know that there are many people who struggle with infertility and would gladly trade places with me in a second. But I’ve always viewed pregnancy as something that was a path to motherhood, not something in itself to be celebrated solely as a condition.
And as a condition, it can kinda suck! I mean look, just being real, I have never in my life been constipated until I was with child. And then I laid in my bathroom floor in pain the week after I found out until I started drinking Benefiber with my water each day.
But looking at this pregnancy as the type of weakness that glorifies God struck me as a beautiful thing. It made me feel less out of control, and more like I was part of something bigger.
It made
me wonder how much different I could feel if every time I felt weak I instead
sought out the proof of His power.
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I originally wrote this about 4-5 months ago, when I was in the middle of my pregnancy.
Man, did I need to come back and reread it now. I'm nearing the end and things are getting tough.
I'm uncomfortable a large majority of the time. And still, I know I could feel so much worse- many do.
I've got weeks left. It's probably only going to get tougher. But there is still His grace and power. Even more as I get weaker and weaker.
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