Putting Down Roots

Photo by Kevin Young on Unsplash

 A few weeks ago something weird happened. We went to go get new tires for my husband's vehicle, and the guy at the counter asked if we had been there before. My husband said yes, and gave his name; the worker pulled up the account on the computer and said "Oh, is it for X vehicle?" He listed the color & make of the car, and said "No problem, it will cost $Y amount just like last time."

At first glance, this may not seem like a big deal. It probably happens to most people every few years. But for us, it was huge.

We moved 5 times in 6 years. We moved within states, and across the country. We moved with larges groups, like an army unit (literally) and to places where we knew no one. And every time we moved, we had to start certain things over.

Find a job. Find a doctor. Find a mechanic. Find a grocery store. Find a library. It's a lot.

And to be honest, even though it's been around 5 years since we have settled...I'm still not used to the idea of being settled. It's still a surprise every time someone remembers me, or that I can give directions around town.

When I visit my hometown, I cringe at the idea of going to Walmart because- if we're being totally honest- I have almost no friends there...just lots of people my family knows/I used to know. Last trip, we ran into some of Hubby's extended family members twice within an hour- at the parking lot of one store and at the checkout line of the next store. Small town, indeed.

When it happens here, I don't cringe but I'm always surprised. Mainly because I am so used to not belonging.

It's very, very odd. It's odd every time someone offers to help, or accepts ours. It's odd every time someone is genuinely happy to see us at the store or we figure out a way all our different social circles overlap. It's good, don't get me wrong. I'm just...not used to it. 

And I'm kind of scared to trust it. Because I know how easy it can be lost.

But also because I never really had it before. I mean, I kind of had it in my hometown but I always felt itchy there.

I was a square peg in a round hole, or vice versa- I just didn't fit. 

So the idea that I am slowly beginning to fit...well, I just don't know quite know what to do with it.