photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash, edited with Canva
I've mentioned a few times that the first year of my daughter's life was tough for me, to the point where I almost went on anxiety medication.
I feel the need to explain what I mean by this.
It's not meant cavalierly. It's not just hyperbole.
I have witnessed the struggle against anxiety and depression many many times but I have never come so close myself.
Looking back, I am frustrated with myself for "holding out." I am frustrated with people for not realizing how much I needed something (I realize it is not their responsibility, but I wish someone had seen me clearly). I am frustrated because current me knows exactly what past me needed and deserved.
I know the signs in loved ones. But I did not know what the signs of "too far" were for myself.
I was in a dark place. I am out of it, but I hope that if I ever get back there I will fight for myself.
So when I say "I almost took medication," what I should really say is that "I needed medication or therapy at that time in my life, because I was very very mentally weary to the point of being unhealthy."
Better living through chemistry is totally a thing for me and you saw how loud and proud I was of my anxiety meds. I'm off of them now because I was feeling mostly emotionless to all things, despite lowering my dosage multiple times, but I was on them when I most needed it and I wouldn't be afraid to go back on them.
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