Writing & Stuff

It's been almost 2 weeks since I have written a blog post. I can't blame any one thing, really...I just haven't blogged at all. I have ideas, drafts sitting in Blogger...

Maybe it's because of the presidential election and the racial tension that has finally erupted in my beloved home state- when this much is going on, anything I put here would be either inadequate or just ignoring these major life developments.

Sometimes all I can do is ignore it. That's terrible. It's not fixing the problem. But I don't know what to do. My heart bleeds for so many, for the ridiculous terrible state of our nation. And I can only bleed so much and stay whole. So sometimes I have to be in my personal, day-to-day bubble.

Maybe it's because there has been some schedule changes in my household and it's been hard to carve out time for myself.

Maybe it's because we were actually somewhat social lately so I've been living outside the internet (I know, shocking).

Maybe it's pure laziness. Who knows.

Anyway. I will try to do more stuff around here soon. Hope things are going well and the news isn't making you loose your mind too much.

Struggling to Stay in My Lane

I have written before about how my biggest struggle is insecurity. Insecurity about my worth as a person and contribution to the world, insecurity about my intelligence once I didn't get into grad school, insecurity about what I am putting into this space since I don't get as much interaction as I wish for, insecurity about my faith (not that I lack faith in Christ, but that I lack faith in myself to truly live out that belief).

Basically, I deal with a LOT of insecurity. It's less than it was- or, more likely, I have just somewhat learned to deal with it. And by deal with it, I mean I tell that sucky little voice in my head to STFU and barrel through life doing what I have to do. 

This has worked for a while, and still does to an extent.

But every now and then...I desperately want some external validation.

I'm not sure if it's being a new mom, or if it's approaching 30 and not being quite where I thought I would be in life. Maybe it's the fact that some of my co-workers act like I am a terrible person because...our department has a budget and regulations that I don't even set.

Anyway.

I just know it's been harder to tell that little voice to fuck off lately. 

I am taking little comments personally and having conversations in my head where basically everyone is fighting me and letting it color my actual relationships even though it's just my imagination.

I'm not entirely sure what to do about this. But the good thing is, even amidst this doubt I am seeing confirmation. I am seeing confirmation that I am helpful in some situations, confirmation that I am following His plan even if it's by taking baby steps. Maybe one day I will shut that little voice off once and for all. Until then...I cling to the knowledge that it is a liar.

Show Us Your Books: September 2016

 This month has been pretty good, reading wise. I've enjoyed almost everything I've read...so let's just get straight to it.

Dr Who: The Silent Stars Go By & Touched by an Angel by Dan Abnett & Jonathan Morris

I really enjoyed this, I have been experiencing major Dr Who withdrawl since they took it off Netflix :( There were a few editing errors in the beginning that worried me, but it was fine the rest of the book. This is actually two stories and while different, I feel like they both captured the spirit of the characters. I LOVE the Ponds and their relationship with 11, so this was right up my alley. Also...how freakin' gorgeous is this cover? It's the TARDIS!!!

Heat Wave by Richard Castle (Nikki Heat #1)

Hubs & I enjoy the show Castle, although we have not watched it consistently. The book was...good. I think it was better because I could see the TV characters and that actually made it more likeable (similar to the Dr Who book)- I don't know if I would have liked it as much without already having affection for the characters and a feel for the world.

Scandalous Women by Elizabeth Kerri Mahon

Y'all, this book was such a fun read! Seriously. That makes it sound cheesy and fluffy, which it wasn't. It was written very conversationally, like you were talking to a close friend. Some of the women I had heard of, and some I hadn't. I appreciate that she acknowledged the women's flaws and acknowledged that they weren't always great people just because they made a great difference. I highly recommend this one.

You by Caroline Kepnes

OMG. Y'all. Jana & Steph (who host this link-up and the podcast The Armchair Librarians) have been talking about this book for a while. And...it totally lived up to the hype. Joe is...sick. But there were also times when I totally went "Yep I know a guy who would think like that." I think that is what makes it so creepy- the fact that Joe sometimes seems like just a slightly creepy/sexist guy, then an almost good loving boyfriend, and then a complete fuckin' psycho. And back again...I'm waiting on the second book from the library (not holding my breath, because You was 3 weeks overdue when I finally got it and Hidden Bodies is also...now overdue).

Summer People by Brian Groh

This book was a random choice from the used bookstore, I thought it would be a good summer read. And it was a fine, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. It was the type of book that doesn't have a specific climax or purpose...and sometimes that's pleasant. Other times you just sort of wonder why the author felt this was the story worth writing. 

What have you been reading lately? Link-up & let us know!