Contact Etiquette for Large Organizations

Photo by Berkeley Communications on Unsplash

I work at a fairly large organization, the kind that gets lots and lots of phone calls every day. I also used to work at a doctor's office where I also dealt with lots and lots of phone calls.

I have learned that most people do not understand the optimal route for actually getting returned contact.

Here's a few tips. Use them, or don't. But it would probably be beneficial to use them. And if it seems like most of them are common sense, it's because they are. Doesn't mean the world (and possibly you) doesn't need a reminder.

1. Prepare. 
• If you have a student ID, account number, error message code, etc- HAVE IT WRITTEN DOWN BEFORE YOU DIAL ANYTHING. You WILL be asked for this information. It is likely how they will identify your account and see what is really going on.  
• Make sure you understand exactly what the problem is. Don't just see there is a problem and freak out and call the first number you can find/Google. This sets you up for disappointment and frustration.
2.  Call the correct department.
• Those main numbers with lots of options? They can feel like a waste. So does taking the time to actually read the email or statement to find what department you need. But you know what happens when you don't spend that little bit of time? You talk to a lot of people who don't know how to help you. You get mad, they get mad, and you are still going to get transferred. If you don't get transferred, you will be put on hold numerous times while they try to find someone who does know how to help you. At this point you are taking up valuable time from two different people. Meanwhile, the people who actually need the incorrect person you contacted are getting a busy signal or having to leave a voicemail. You're clogging the system, basically.
3. Leave a voicemail. 
• This may be one of the single most important things I can tell you. SO MANY PEOPLE call and complain "I've been calling all morning and no one has called me back." And then we look at the call log and yes, they have called 6 times in two hours. But they never left a message. No one is going to call you back without a detailed message saying who you are and WHY you are calling. 
4. Shot-gunning clogs up the system.
•  You call one office, don't get an answer, so you call another office. And another, and another. While you are doing this, 5 other people are doing it also. You know what that means? NO ONE IS AVAILABLE TO TALK TO YOU because they are talking to other people, who they probably aren't equipped to assist anyway (see previous point #2). 
• Email seems harmless, but again it does the same thing. PersonWhoCanNotAssistYou must go find PersonWhoActuallyCanAssistYou, which wastes their time. SecondPersonWhoCanNotAssistYou also eventually goes to talk to PersonWhoActuallyCanAssistYou, so PersonWhoActuallyCanAssistYou can't assist the additional people who need them. Or, more likely, they have to go find PersonWhoCanActuallyAssistSomeoneElse to take care of the messages incorrectly left for them because other people did not follow points #1 & #2.
• Call, and/or email, ONE person.
5. YOU call for YOUR business.
• Getting a parent or spouse or whoever to call for you almost certainly guarantees that you will either need multiple calls, either because they don't know all the needed information OR they don't have permission to actually do whatever you want done.

To Colorado, a Past Love

Dear Colorado,

I still think about you sometimes. You weren't my forever, but you were so much more than just a good time.

You were the place I grew up. You were the place I was young, (not really but kinda) wild, and truly free.

You were the place I felt no expectations.

You were the place I could explore.

I explored your mountains, your deserts, your dunes, and your cities. I explored my own life and personality and character and desires.

You were the place I grew strong. You were the place I experienced some of the hardest days, and some of the greatest achievements.

You will always be my freedom, my building block, my touchstone, and one of my true joys.

Love,
Brittany

Current Thoughts: May 2018

• April is Babycake's birthday month, and we had two birthday parties. One in our chosen town, and one in our hometown. It was extra stressful because I basically had 2...maybe 3 weeks to plan them, because Hubby also started his new job and we didn't know his schedule until...sometime like the first week or two in April. I don't remember. It's been crazy. Anyway, it went pretty well but...next time I'm just buying cake and ice cream. I spent way too much time and energy on snacks that people didn't eat. Hopefully next time I can just buy some cake and ice cream and rent a park so the kids can go crazy. 
• Either way, this was a big step for me- last year we didn't have a party for her in our chosen town, only in our hometown. To do that, to go through the effort, especially when Hubby was overwhelmed with his new job and could help a little but definitely not as much as I did, is a big personal step. And I hate to make my beautiful baby girl's day about me- and I didn't- but here on this blog, in my space...fuck yeah, I see a big improvement and I'm so proud of myself and genuinely happy and see this as a big milestone for me. I mean, I almost had a crying breakdown the next day when something went not according to plan, but still...it resolved quickly and it was an almost breakdown so still a personal win.

Never been sure what to call the city where we currently live, since I often feel like I need to specify that it is not our hometown. I guess I could say "my town" but since I wasn't born here it seems weird...so I am trying out "chosen town." Good? Should I get over it and say "my town?" This is the kind of thing I spend way too much time thinking about. 

• It feels like everywhere I look there is talk about the power of positive thinking. Or the Law of Attraction, or the confirmation bias, or whatever you want to call it. And while it does feel kinda hokey sometimes...do it. Change your thinking. Even if it's by changing one little habit at a time. Compliment someone. Read good news intentionally. Let someone out in traffic because it's the nice thing to do. If you pray, pray for the jackass that just cut you off in traffic. Start a gratitude journal. I don't care what it is as long as it does not hurt another person- do something positive. 

• This, this, this. I have an (ever growing) issue that with this, because I think- like most ultimatums- the idea that you either get friends OR love is complete and utter bullshit in so many ways.

• We are an officially licensed foster family!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This means the next step is...getting a call asking us to take a child into our home. We don't know when the call will come or what situation will be on the other end of the line or really anything at this point. It's exciting and scary and nerve-racking. Reading that email gave me almost the exact same feeling as when I read a positive pregnancy test several years ago.

What's going on with you this month?

Things You Weren't Wondering

Photo by Imani Clovis on Unsplash

What would a mirror opposite of yourself be like?
Super stylish and trendy, loves being in the spotlight, not interested in other people or the world in general...basically a Kardashian I think?

Which of your scars has the best story behind it?
I get much more bruises than scars, because apparently I'm a peach. But I have a tiny scar on my chin where a friend was spinning me around as a teenager and then let go and I fell into a doorjam and cracked it. It bled a lot, he felt super bad, and I now have a scar.

What's the title of the current chapter in your life?
Oh my gosh, WHERE IS IT?! (I can't stop loosing things- seriously- I am missing like 3 very important things this year alone).

What's the hardest lesson you've learned?
People's comments and opinions say waaaaaay more about them than about you.

What mistake do you keep making over and over?
No one- ever- thinks about things as much as I do and therefore they just do not care and my amount of caring is always viewed as freakish/intense/overboard but I always try to talk to them anyway.

What do people think is weird about you?
Too long of a list.

When people look at you, what do you think they see/think?
My life would be so much easier if I knew the answer to this question. I know very much what I am- but not at all what I project.

What have you created that you are most proud of?
My overall life. It's a beauty in so many ways.


(borrowed from Teh Megan who borrowed it from Brianne)

Putting Down Roots

Photo by Kevin Young on Unsplash

 A few weeks ago something weird happened. We went to go get new tires for my husband's vehicle, and the guy at the counter asked if we had been there before. My husband said yes, and gave his name; the worker pulled up the account on the computer and said "Oh, is it for X vehicle?" He listed the color & make of the car, and said "No problem, it will cost $Y amount just like last time."

At first glance, this may not seem like a big deal. It probably happens to most people every few years. But for us, it was huge.

We moved 5 times in 6 years. We moved within states, and across the country. We moved with larges groups, like an army unit (literally) and to places where we knew no one. And every time we moved, we had to start certain things over.

Find a job. Find a doctor. Find a mechanic. Find a grocery store. Find a library. It's a lot.

And to be honest, even though it's been around 5 years since we have settled...I'm still not used to the idea of being settled. It's still a surprise every time someone remembers me, or that I can give directions around town.

When I visit my hometown, I cringe at the idea of going to Walmart because- if we're being totally honest- I have almost no friends there...just lots of people my family knows/I used to know. Last trip, we ran into some of Hubby's extended family members twice within an hour- at the parking lot of one store and at the checkout line of the next store. Small town, indeed.

When it happens here, I don't cringe but I'm always surprised. Mainly because I am so used to not belonging.

It's very, very odd. It's odd every time someone offers to help, or accepts ours. It's odd every time someone is genuinely happy to see us at the store or we figure out a way all our different social circles overlap. It's good, don't get me wrong. I'm just...not used to it. 

And I'm kind of scared to trust it. Because I know how easy it can be lost.

But also because I never really had it before. I mean, I kind of had it in my hometown but I always felt itchy there.

I was a square peg in a round hole, or vice versa- I just didn't fit. 

So the idea that I am slowly beginning to fit...well, I just don't know quite know what to do with it.

I Never Have It All

Some days, I am a hot mess- in all aspects.

Some days, my hair needs washing and dry shampoo just can't hide that fact.

Some days, I am the only mom who doesn't make Valentine's Day goodie bags for my kids daycare class (I took cookies for the party- didn't know goodies bags for ONE YEAR OLDS were a thing).

Some days, I forget to eat breakfast and get very frustrated with myself for that ignoring a basic human need. 

Some days, my kid seems to do nothing but tantrum and I loose my cool and tantrum back.

Some days, I am just a little too late to work for no reason at all. 

But-

Some days, I wear lipstick and heels and love how I look.

Some days, I survive the tantrum and have the patience to help my kid learn how to do chores and she doesn't ask for the TV once.

Some days, the barista at Starbucks makes my drink perfectly.

Some days, the temperature gets to 70 and reminds me that summer is coming and things just feel a bit lighter.

Some days, I manage to get a 99 on a quiz that I completed at work so I didn't have to sacrifice family time.

No one ever really has it all- at least not on the same day. But some days...I get really, really good stuff. 

Things I Am Good At

We've talked about what I'm not good at, now let's celebrate what I am good at! 
 

Things I Am Good At

• Organizing: It may not always seem like it, because my house and car can sometimes be a mess. But I'm actually the best at organizing. Whether it's records at work, or baby clothes, or random trinkets around the house, I am great at giving things a specific home. Not always great about putting them back there on a daily basis, but I can organize the shit out of anything for about a week.
• Packing: I credit all the flat rate boxes during B's deployment and all the moving trucks over the years. I am so good at any type of physical Tetris- try me, bro. 
• Reading people: My dad called this discernment when I was a kid. Whatever you call it, I have a feeling about people. I honestly don't think too much about it, it is so internal that it's just normal to me, but it gets remarked upon by other people every now and then. This doesn't mean I don't make mistakes or always get it right...but a high majority of the time I have an icky feeling about someone, it's proven right. 
• Orienting myself: My husband, whose literal job in the Army depended on reading maps and dealt with coordinates, etc...cannot figure out a city. Blocks just screw him up. He claims to be great in the woods and when reading...whatever the special kind of maps the Army has. Either way, when it comes keeping things straight in a new place, I'm your girl. 
• Making the decisions: When hubs was in the Army & we lived in Colorado, we went out with our friends basically every weekend. For a while it was really complicated because no one ever wanted to decide. I do NOT like this in a group setting- so I have officially become the person who says "Okay, this is what we're doing." I'm not a dictator, if people don't like it or actually have suggestions I welcome it- in fact, I don't always like making the decision but I am good at it. There's just no point in wasting an hour being overly polite and refusing to have an opinion. 
• Not wallowing: In the grand scheme of things, I am pretty good at taking things as they come. I may have a bad day, or even a bad week, but overall I am good at acknowledging how blessed/privileged I am.  Again, it's not about being complacent but it is about being grateful and moving forward instead of crying about where you are.

What are you good at?

Things I Am Not Good At

Totally taking this idea from Nadine (Life by Nadine Lynn). But it's good to do a little self-reflection every now & then, isn't it? I certainly think so.

Things I Am Not Good At

• Doing my hair. This was on Nadine's list and I had to comment with a big SAME! I just...can't. It's not my thing. 
• Keeping a poker face. I have RBF in general, and when I hear something a little weird my face looks, well, like I think you're a little weird. My brain will chill and learn to deal, but my initial reaction often comes off super judgemental. 
• Letting things go. I am really trying to get better about this, because it makes my life so much harder. I definitely can tend to hold grudges and have bitter conversations in my head that realistically haven't happened and probably won't. I'm not saying ignore people who are offensive, but personally I can let little comments turn spiral and affect my mental outlook in ways that are just not healthy OR realistic. 
• Anything involving coordination. I'm great at air hockey and Foosball, but that's the extent of my athletic skill. Seriously guys...I am so bad at sports. 
• Sending birthday cards/presents on time. Ugh...I forgot to acknowledge my dad's birthday at all one year. FML. 
• Anything under pressure. You know in middle school when the teacher walks around the room & randomly stops at a desk? I freeze. I hated driving with a permit because I didn't like my parents being there (this came back up when I had a baby and they wanted to give loving "advice"). I don't even like to clean my house if someone else is in it. Basically anything where someone could look at me and judge me is the worst (to be fair, I have been told by multiple people that sweep "wrong"- how the fuck is there a correct way to sweep as long as the dirt comes off the floor?!?!?). 
• Changing plans. I used to desire spontaneity, but I never got it. And now I need at least 3 days notice to do anything. Seriously. Do not talk to me less than 3 days out. I will not ditch even my couch without 3 days notice.

I am not good at these things...and that's okay.

New Nightly Goals

I have two new nightly goals that I want to strive for, every single night. 

I know, I know. It's friggin' stupid how easy this is.

Let's get into why these are difficult for me though, and why they will make such a big difference.

Putting down the phone is hard for two main reasons: my husband and my mother.

• My husband works long hours and it's always possible he will be several hours late coming home. It just happens in his job. I generally try to keep an eye on my phone so I know whether he has left yet, mostly for my own peace of mind and scheduling purposes (if he gets out at a regular hour, I can start dinner later and wait on him to help me give the baby a bath...if he's late I need to plan extra time for doing the bedtime routine alone, etc). 
• My mom tries to Skype at least once a week...and I feel really bad if I miss her asking (this is not necessarily her fault- I accept this as my penance for living far away and gladly pay it to not be in my hometown).

I'm considering trying to hook up my bluetooth so I can hear specifically if either of these special people call or text, but this requires a few extra minutes and I need too ensure all other sound notifications are turned off my phone.

This will make a huge difference because I can focus only on what is actually physically going on around me. It releases some of the mental burden by taking one extra ball out of the air. 

Plus if I am focused on all the things I can do, I'm not sitting staring at the phone worried and procrastinating about what I might be able to do if no one calls or everyone calls at the same time, or just weeding out all the random not-at-all-a-priority notifications the iPhone sends. Both of these people will live if I take a few extra minutes to respond to them.

Basically I am a better mother, wife, and overall person when I am not constantly listening for the phone and mentally managing all the notifications.

On to goal #2: while I am ALL about my Bullet Journal during the day at work, I can often leave it in my bag at home. This is mainly because I'm scared to leave it at home by accident and not take it with me to work the next day. 

But I need it at night. I've always been a list/note taker, and the reason I have stuck with the bullet journal for several months is because it allows me to put ALL the random things I think of in one spot. Appointments, grocery lists, blog topics, whatever- it goes in the BuJo.

And my random thoughts don't stop just because Babycakes is in the room or I'm cooking dinner- in fact, those are the times I need it the most because there is no way a random thought will stick around longer than five seconds. 

Pretty much anyone who is not a solitary spinster can relate- you get home and your kids or partner or pet or parents or whoever inhabits your home with you starts taking up your mental energy and time. And that's FINE- it's part of the beauty of having a family. But it doesn't mean that tomorrow you won't be out of deodorant or need to email someone. So I want to note it in the BuJo and quickly get back to whatever I'm doing.

Yes, I could make notes on my phone. But truthfully, my phone does TOO MUCH. It is how I talk to people and how I keep notes and how I entertain myself. I don't want to be the parent who is constantly on her phone- I hate it when Tank is on his all the time. It's too easy to reach for it for a note and end up on YouTube or some other thing that should NOT be a priority over my child (or husband or homework or home).

Keeping my notes in my BuJo is faster and easier for me personally anyway, plus it allows me to better demonstrate to my child what my priorities are (our family and needs rather than Facebook- she isn't going to know the difference in what I'm doing on my phone, just that I'm on it). Plus, if I look at my phone for five seconds Hubs automatically looks at his and then we are two losers on our phone. NO. NO NO NO. I'm tired of it and my eyes hurt.

To be clear, if you do or don't do any of the things mentioned in this post- good for you. 

What works for one person does not always work for others. I get that. This is not me trying to make anyone feel guilty, or working from guilt that anyone else has caused me to feel.

I'm just trying to identify my priorities in life, and then identify what takes away from those and what enhances them. These two goals will allow me to weed through what I don't care about and remember the little details that I do care about.

Doesn't that sound lovely?

Words are Weird

I'm a reader, and a kind-of writer or blogger or whatever you call it. I tend to enjoy words. Not just words put together to form a book but words in general.

Words can be super weird. The same word can mean different things, or change meanings over time. Or just mean different things in different countries- or different parts of the same country!

In fact, while this post was sitting in draft this video about words that changed meanings was posted on Mental Floss and Amber from The Sensible Mama did a collab with a northern friend that resulted from confusing everyday conversations.

This comes up a lot in the Facebook groups in I'm in for Bullet Journaling. It's hard to define a bullet journal for a lot of people. I think this is because it is a combination of several things, and each person can add or subtract or prioritize different aspects of it. But it came up in a conversation that the word "diary" means different things in the USA and the UK.

Here in the US we typically use diary to refer to a journaling of thoughts, sometimes daily. Apparently in the UK is refers to what I would call a planner- a system of organizing events and dates usually following a calendar method.

There's no real point to this.

Just...it's worth considering when having a conversation I guess.

Semantics matter to a lot of people. It can affect things.

It's hard for me sometimes- especially when "discussing" things with Tank. Or at work when I'm training people. I have forwarded emails to my supervisors with the apology "Hello, XYZ problem, but I have run out of ways to say this. Any suggestions or assistance would be greatly appreciated."

I  can't do that with Tank...but sometimes I need to.

I need to figure out how to use words and understand them better, even when they don't make sense.

Busy, but Happy

In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little MIA lately. Just got way out of the blogging flow.

We turned in the majority of paperwork for foster care licensing. I think the only thing left is to give the doggies a rabies shot (Tank did it himself last time, so no record, but it's due anyway so just have to find time to take them to the vet). So now...we wait, apparently. Oh, and maybe go get another set of fingerprints because apparently one is not enough.

Babycakes & I visited my parents for a family reunion. It was short visit and it was weird that Tank had to work and couldn't go- but it was nice to see them.

It wasn't the best timing, because I had my second test the week after so I missed a weekend of cramming. And the FC/A meeting was the day before my test so I was scrambling to make sure all of that was taken care of also bit into study time...so I'm not sure how I did. Probably still passed, at least? But almost certainly not as well as my first test.

And we have a Halloween party at our house this weekend. And my freakin' one year old has SPIRIT WEEK at daycare next week! What is that?!? So...I'm gonna try to think of something for that (I refuse to buy a shirt from this daycare for "school spirit" though...not spending over 10$ on something she will wear maybe 2x in her life...). But I'm not too upset, because I figure Halloween/Spirit Week is an excuse to work on her "dress up" box.

Although, it really gives me a new project because I have this old but small chest that was mine as a kid/teen that my mom gave me (along with many other matching pieces) when we were setting up the nursery. But I had no idea what to actually put in it so I haven't bothered to scrub or repaint (because when something just sits for 10+ years, it starts looking very sad). But it's perfect for dress-up/costumes because I don't actually care if they get wrinkled/etc so they can just be tossed in, and Babycakes loves playing with it empty half the time.

I also had an amazing girls night! It was super low-key and something my friend started, a...support group? That sounds so cheesy and awkward. Basically a get-together, specifically for new moms, to have an excuse to hang out with friends and support each other. It's very positive, both in regards to yourself and your female friends, and it was ah-mazing. Shout-out to our husbands, because while the "careless caveman" portrayal of husbands/dads is definitely something our culture perpetrates...none of ours blinked an eye when we peaced out of the house on a weeknight to do this, because "Yeah that sounds great, you totally need/deserve that." Plus, I had some delicious caramel hot chocolate and pastries so ya know. Win-win.

Oh, and I started working out/walking again. Not very much- maybe 1-3 times a week. But it's something, and it's good for me.

So, I've been busy. And it's been slightly stressful. But...it's been good. I'm doing things I want to do...I'm living my life.

It's pretty darn great.

Ways I am a Bad Feminist

original photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

 
A while back I read (well, listened to) Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. The title of the book stems from the idea of treating feminism & feminimists like it/they have to be perfect...despite the fact that no one and nothing is perfect. The following quotes kind of sum up the theory:

I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I'm not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I'm right. I am just trying- trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself.  

“When feminism falls short of our expectations, we decide the problem is with feminism rather than with the flawed people who act in the name of the movement.” 

So, here are the ways I'm a bad feminist. I know they're problematic, and they may upset someone. But...I'm just a person. I'm definitely wrong about some stuff, and I've got a lot to learn. We all do.

I don't like it when families don't have a cohesive last name. It makes addressing Christmas cards/etc so much more confusing- do I list the full names of both? Just the first names? The Smith-Jones Family/Household? Blergh.

Also, don't tell me it's anti-feminist that I took my husband's name.  My maiden name came from I guy I saw maybe 4 times a year until about age 13, when he stopped contacting me all together. It is not something I want to carry around for the rest of my life. There is no "one size fits all" approach for how we should identify ourselves. So, while I don't like that I don't know how to address your Christmas cards...I'll stumble through. Do the same for me, kthanksbye.

I can't stand when people say "We're practically married, we just haven't made it official." Is it really? That's like me saying "Well I'm practically runner- I have the active wear and the hydration belt and I registered for all these races. I just haven't actually ran in them, that's all."  This especially confuses me when it comes from people who also fight for the rights of gay marriage...either the piece of paper means something, or it doesn't. Both opinions are valid, but they are totally different. 


I do not like glitter, and I'm a little judge-y towards those that do. Same for pastel pink and sprinkles.

That being said, my daughter's room does have pink in it and she looks fucking adorable in bows.

I refuse to go past LGBT+ when it comes to acronyms. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH, PEOPLE. I cannot possibly actually use LGBTQQIP2SAA. No. NO. It's not that I dislike anyone...but at some point the acronym is just not effective. Maybe a discussion needs to be had about that, and when a more practical term presents itself I will use it, but until then I'm sticking with the plus. Please don't hate me.

So there ya go. I'm a bad feminist. Just like I'm a bad lotsofotherthings. But I'm trying, and that's a start.

How I Can Help

original photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

 
I try to be a helpful person. But often I feel like people don't accept my offer. To be fair, I don't really accept help either...and I'm terrible at asking for it. In the past few months though I've made a concentrated effort to ask and accept help- without guilt.

This is kind of revolutionary.

In our FC/A classes, our teacher said that one day at church a man made the comment "If there is anything I can do to help, let me know." So she was honest and said "Well daycare for my grandson is killing us, honestly the biggest help would be money." And shockingly, the man said "Well I don't have a lot but I can pay for a week."

Y'all, a week of daycare is huuggeeee (fun story- my mom told me about someone complaining of the cost of daycare in my small hometown...which is literally 1/2 of what we pay each month...I did not tell her this).

People, especially Southerners and especially Christians, say this all the time: "Please let me know if I can do anything for you!" And you know what they end up doing? NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.

I'm not sure if it's pride, or independence, or the belief that no one really cares. Probably a combo of these things and much more.

But it made me wonder- when I say that, what do I mean?

I truly want to be the kind of person that people can count on, and trust to help. So I'm trying to come up with a list of things I actually have to offer people. Here's what I have so far:

• Bring dinner. I can make dinner and drop it off so that's 1 less thing to worry about. I love the nights I throw frozen lasagna in the oven because it is less stress and more time with Babycakes. 
• Have you over for dinner. Are you tired of being in the house with your kid(s)/pet(s) only for company? Come on over. My house is messy and it may be something cheap like spaghetti or chili, but I won't let you go hungry. Food, friends, and no clean up- always nice.
• Pour you a drink. I'm not saying turn to booze as an answer to everything, but...yeah. It can be a little helpful for adults without dependency problems.
• Baby or pet-sit. Need a moment without a child or dog nipping at your heels, wanting food or toys? I gotcha.
• Go for a walk. I know there are some arguments against chalking mental illness up to just a sun deficiency...but again, for mild cases or average stress, I personally find a walk or run in nature to be a really good "re-set" for my mental energy.

What about you? 

Any ideas I can add to my list, 

or things you would appreciate/have done for others?

Mid-Month Update: September 2017

• Guys, I have become a somewhat annoying person. I use cloth diapers (well, for the baby obviously), I want to move to using cloth napkins (I do this 50/50, not the rest of my family though), I carry a reusable bag folded up in my purse, I bought silverware specifically for work so I don't use plastic...and now I brought a plate to work. So I don't have to use paper towels to heat up frozen things (which is gross and ineffective anyway). I'm hardly a super green person, but it's nice to realize I'm doing little things. Future goals: reusable sandwich bags (open to suggestions), and reusable trash bags (we have one of these to hold the cloth diapers between washes, and it's great- plus "grocery store" bags are slightly too little for our bathroom trash can so stuff always falls behind it/on the floor and these are big enough to actually fit where we need them). 

• People judging other people during emergency situations is about to make me LOSE IT. Someone posted a picture about filling your washer with ice (will keep cold and water has somewhere to go when it melts), and the picture showed a can of Coke peeking out from between ice. Apparently this indicates "poor priorities" in an emergency. If you can think that, you have clearly never been in an emergency in the Southeast. It could easily be 80-90 degrees once the storm passes, and (at least in my area) we could be expecting flooding from runoff while power outages are ongoing from the storm itself- which leads to lugging around sandbags to build walls, throwing entire houses full of items into trucks and vans and over to storage units outside of flood plains. Yes, some cold caffeine matters. If you don't understand that...consider yourself incredibly blessed that you have never experienced a situation where a Coke made that big of a damn difference. 

• Also, this storm has proven that I am officially old and boring. I listened to a 22 minute emergency briefing from NC Governor Roy Cooper along with other weather/emergency management officials...and I found it super interesting. 

• I was doing really well with school, and now I have a homework problem that makes NO SENSE. I swear, I really think the question must be wrong. That happens, right?

• We are finished with the FC/A classes! We still have about a million other things to do (fingerprints, proof of insurance, etc) but we will get there eventually.

• Sometimes Hubs is such a great parent that it makes me feel a little bad. I think we just have different strengths/priorities- but for the sake of Babycakes that's a good thing. He focuses on stuff that I tend to brush off, but Babycakes responds really well sometimes which makes me step back and re-evaluate. I don't mean this in a "poor me" way...but it's kind of great to have such a good co-parent. I'm thankful he is around, for both me & Babycakes.

• I forgot that I actually can get through books pretty quickly. I was worried that between the FC/A stuff and starting classes I wouldn't be able to devote much time to reading- but I also forgot that reading is my way of escape when feeling stressed. This weekend was the first one in over a month where we didn't have FC/A classes to go to, and I didn't do much around the house. Dinner was frozen lasagna, Babycakes & I went on two walks, visited the library, and took long naps. I also managed to finish a book in less than 24 hours. It was a much needed "pause."

What's new with you lately?

True Story: I Used to Have a Confederate Flag in My Bedroom

There's a lot of stuff going on in America right now about racism and "alt right" and apparently the new hill to die on is Confederate flags & statues of Confederate generals.

I'm not sure I truly have anything to add to this conversation.

Racism is not new. White supremacy is not new. We've had these wars before. Look in a history book.

 I think over the past year especially I've at least hinted at the fact that I'm pretty liberal.

But I want to talk about my journey to this place, and why I feel the way I feel even though in a lot of ways I probably look like easy prey to the "alt right" (apparently the PC term for Neo-Nazis).

When I was a teenager, I had a Confederate flag in my bedroom. 

To me, it represented my Southern heritage. People made fun of Southerners all the time. We were dumb, dirty, bad people. It was a form of "reclaiming" a symbol of where I was from and trying to find the positives about my heritage. It meant that I came from determined people willing to stand up for what was right- or at least, what they thought was right. It was a joke to tell the people who thought less of me that they couldn't hurt me. I would take what they scorned and use it to make me stronger.

I could justify this in a few ways. 

First, it was HISTORY Y'ALL. You can't fight the truth. It's just a fact, that's what happened.

Secondly, there were black kids at my school who said it was okay! They didn't care. If a black person said it wasn't offensive, surely no one else could be upset. And if there was another black person who got upset, well they needed to go talk to that first guy. As long as I was nice to people who cared?

But something happened- I grew up. 

I realized several things that changed my attitude towards the flag and the Confederacy in general.

I realized there are much less controversial ways to represent my Southern heritage. Monogramming stuff might cost a little more but it's cuter and not tied to racism in any way. Same for flip-flops and fried okra and sweet tea and Duke's mayonnaise.

I realized that people could feel differently about something even if they have something in common. So, yeah...some black people may have told me they didn't care- but others (of all races) were hurt deeply by this symbol. One person's pain does not diminish just because it isn't shared by all.

I realized that I was only strengthening the negative Southern stereotype by clinging to a symbol of the (failed) past. I could take those qualities I originally saw and shift them to something that valued the qualities of everyone.

I realized that in no other situation would I agree with this type of situation- America separated from England- successfully- and England doesn't fly American flags to celebrate that. If they did, I'd think they were idiots. 

Most importantly, I realized that I don't live in the Confederacy. I live in America. 

Those people who laugh at me and make fun of me and make assumptions due to where I grew up? They are doing exactly what they assume I do.

They are not better people because of where they grew up. I am not a worse person because of where I grew up. We all live in one country- the United States of America.

And I want our country to be united. I want us to look to the future, not the past.

I realized that patriotism to my country meant agreeing that its ideals of freedom and equality as a basic human right should be extended to every human.

Yes, the Confederate flag is part of our history. That doesn't make it good. That doesn't make it honorable. 

We can all be better than that, y'all.  

It's fine to be proud of being white- I like knowing that I have a Scottish background and where I come from.

The difference is- I don't believe that it makes me better than anyone else. And I am not so ignorant as to think that it makes me perfect.

I don't believe that skin color or ancestry should make me like one person more than the other, or make me more scared of one person than the other.

I hope that people don't judge me by the fact that I used to be proud of the Confederate flag. 

I hope that people who feel that way now realize that you can acknowledge the past and learn from it, without clinging to it. 

I hope we learn to live up to our name and truly be a united nation.

Trying My Hand at Bullet Journaling

I don't really want to go into the details of the Bullet Journal...because it's a LOT. Be careful googling though- I'd recommend going straight to the source at BulletJournal.com. If you look at Pinterest or some of the Facebook groups dedicated to Bullet Journaling, you will see beautiful hand lettering and adorable doodles from people who use it half as a sketch book. Mine is more like the original idea, which is basically a DIY planner.

The fast idea behind BuJo is to make really short, fast notes that have tiny symbols to assign categories: tasks, events, notes. You can have "signifiers" to assign priority or indicate more research is needed.

This appealed to me because I really like traditional planners but I always want more "blank" space to write notes- grocery lists, blog post ideas, etc- which aren't tied to a specific day. 

In a traditional planner I would be keeping all those notes on separate days and flipping back and forth...it just doesn't work.

A bullet journal is something that you can customize incredibly easily. The reason I say not to Google at the beginning is because people have really run with this idea. There are hundreds if not thousands of ideas and "layouts" online. Y'all...I don't have the time or talent.

So far, everything in my bullet journal is either a list or a calendar. That's it. That's what I need right now.

There's also lots of discussion about the best notebook and pens and blah blah blah to use. You could use anything. Since it involves making lines- and is what the creator uses- a lot of people use dotted notebooks or graphed notebooks. But you can totally use a cheap lined one- my current one came from AC Moore & cost 5$.

Anatomy of my BuJo:

• Index
• There really isn't an order to the BuJo-  you just use a page for whatever you want to. Lists next to calendar next to picture. Whatever. In order to find things, you number pages and put them here in the index so you can find stuff easily (more notes about further down). The idea of indexing is super simple, but for some reason never occured to me before. You can use pre-numbered notebooks or do it yourself as you go along (that's what I do).

•  Key

• There are recommended icons/whatever you call the things to signify your categories on the BuJo site, but there are tons of ways to do this (notes v. appointment v. task). I'll be honest, I don't always use this...more often than not I just cross stuff off. But there's the idea.

• Future Log
• aka 6 month calendar (next time I will probably do a full year, but since I'm starting halfway through 2017 I decided to just do the rest of the year).

• A monthly log
• If you just want to see the details of this month (this is just the outline, before I had added the details).

• A weekly log
• Some people do "dailies." This is a huge aspect of it. The way I have mine laid out, I have a weekly spread but blank space underneath, so I can make notes for individual days without worrying about space- I may have nothing one day and 5 things the next. I want flexibility. 

•  Short Notes Page
• This is where I keep a general list of items to buy- if I need to pick up milk, or a birthday card, etc. It's easier to add these to a general list over a week or two versus listing one item every two or three days and flipping through. This way once I have a list big enough to warrant going to the store, I look at one page and get everything I need.
• Memorable Dates
• For random things like when I change my contacts & when we replaced the batteries in my car- they aren't constant events that would make it in my standing yearly calendar but are worth noting
• Date Night Ideas
• So we don't get stuck in a rut
• Reading Challenge List
• I like being able to cross off books as I read them & see my progress.

Really the only things I use besides a pen and the notebook is a little ruler ($.50, to help with straight lines) and washi tape. I use the tape for headers, and as kind of a bookmark. I can use different colors to make "tabs" and flip straight to my monthly calendar or this week. Not required, but I like it.

My bujo is not particularly pretty. But it works. 

And I'm sharing it because I go so dang on intimidated when I tried this the first time.

You don't have to do cute headers or tons of colors or artistic doodles (if you want to, go for it) but I wanted to show that it's possible to keep it simple and really helpful to get organized.

Yes, you can use apps and phones for all this now. 

And I do still use those (especially things that concern the husband, thanks shared calendars)...but there's something about the act of writing something down. It just helps it stick and makes me feel for more accomplished when I cross it out.

I am slightly concerned about having time to write layouts once I start classes, especially since we will be starting classes for the foster/adoption process around the same time. It's going to be a busy fall, y'all. But it's oddly enjoyable for me, and I think if I create my monthly/weekly layouts once a month I can manage it. That's what I did for August, anyway. So we'll see how it goes...maybe I'll update in a month or so.

Do you have a planner or system that you enjoy? 

Anyone else like analog versus just digital?

What's in My {Diaper} Bag: JuJuBe BFF

 This picture came from the previous owner on the BST page

My JuJuBe love affair started with a BFF in the Seaglass print. I got it completely randomly for 20$, because at that price why not try it?

And I really liked it. Problem was...my stroller is black & red. And it did not look good with that bright blue & green print. So because I am me, I sold it and bought another one in a print that matches my stroller.

There are tons of packing videos on YouTube for the BFF. But- so many people use a lot of smaller JJB items to organize it. I'm not really a bags inside of bags kind of person, and I want really easy access to everything when I'm out with the kid. Plus, the best thing about the BFF to me is all the pockets and organization that is built into the bag itself.

I talked about a few of the common benefits of the JJB bags, but here's the fast run down again just in case:

• Teflon treated, so stays pretty clean
• Machine-washable, so if there are any stains you just wash it
• Agion treated lining (supposed to prevent bacterial growth- kids are gross)
• Mommy pocket 
• Thinsulate bottle pockets to help keep things warm/cold
• For this bag in particular- you can wear it as a backpack (how I use it) or with a messenger strap (for off the shoulder/across the body)...also has a handle so you can just pick it up which is oddly how hubs usually carries it 
• Memory foam on changing pad & shoulder straps to make it more comfy for you & the baby

Some notes before we get started- this is packed for a typical day where I'm leaving the house with the kid for several hours. It's not for an overnight trip or anything where I'm more than an 30 minutes from my house or a store. Also my kid is a year old, so she is still in diapers- we use cloth diapers 95% of the time- but doesn't need bottles or baby food.

Total rundown of what's in my diaper bag:

• Diaper Case with wipes (gray)
• Diaper Case with snacks (clear)
• 2 squeeze pouches (basically baby smoothies), 2 Nutra-Grain bars, 1 baby spoon
• Also includes medical emergency numbers
• 3 cloth diapers
• 3 disposables diapers (emergency)
• Wetbag (for dirty diapers/clothes/anything mess & wet)
• Sun hat
• 2 sticks of sunscreen
• Baby sunglasses (which she will not wear for longer than 30 seconds, but enjoys playing with)
• 2 bibs
• Spare pacifier & paci clip
• Baby hair brush
• My sunglasses
• Burp cloth & hankerchief
• My keys
• Baby book & 2 baby toys
• Romper for emergency change of clothes
• My Wallet
• Pouch with my face powder, chapstick, & flossers
• Sippy cup for baby
• Water bottle for me/the hubby 
• Hand Sanitizer

From the outside I can easily access my water bottle & the baby's sippy cup due to the outside bottle pockets. I have fit my 24 oz Camelbak in here...also a Tumblr. Haven't tried hubby's gigantic Yeti, but it fit in my HBB pocket so I bet it would fit here. Oh, I've started keeping one of these cup straps in the her bottle pocket- they are great for restaurants, the stroller, and can also hold toys as well as a cup. I keep my hand sanitizer clipped to the outside (because if you need hand sanitizer, you probably don't need to be digging through a diaper bag to reach it). Also keep my keys clipped to the outside, because then I can beep open the car easily while carrying the kid & the diaper bag. The change pad slides down a big pocket in the back. Oh, and the hardware (called D-rings, apparently) that my keys & hand sanitizer are hooked on are also what I use to hang this from my stroller with these stroller hooks. This makes it super easy to reach everything in the diaper bag, plus it leaves the bottom of the stroller open for storage (my stroller is a lightweight model, so the storage area is pretty small anyway).

Mommy Pocket (not pictured, sorry)
Since I keep my keys on the outside of the bag, I keep my wallet here and hooked onto the key fob. That way it would be at least slightly harder for anyone to just reach in & grab it. I keep face powder, chapstick, flossers, & gum in the small pocket on the right. Left pocket has emergency feminine hygiene products just in case. My sunglasses don't lay flat, so the "sunglasses pocket (really soft felt lined) is usually empty- I can fit lotion in there but actually want to get some bug spray (NC has lots of bugs). The glasses go in the "tech pocket" on top of the mommy pocket, and my phone stays flat in this main compartment. It's nice to have all these things easily accessible without digging through all the baby stuff.

The bag is gusseted- I had never really heard this term before JJB. Basically instead of laying flat, that front flap has some fabric that helps it open so you can reach in without everything spilling out. I like this feature.

Instead of laying all the way out, this front portion kind of halfway folds down.

There are two plastic "picture pockets" on the front flap. I have two prints from French Press Mornings in these. In the zippered pocket directly below them, I have three disposable diapers & a hair brush. My LO has a good bit of hair for her age but she plays with it and it gets messy in the car seat...so sometimes I pretend to fix it even though I know it will be messy again in five minutes.

I start off by packing the perimeter. In the gray wipes case on the left are baby wipes (this would be my one complaint about the bag, I like having the wipes on the outside...but part of the JJB appeal is that it isn't a "typical" diaper bag...I have also thrown in the back with the change pad at times). The clear case on the right holds her snacks. This is also where one of the bibs are tucked.  Stuffing these pockets does make it a little bit harder to get my water bottle in the outside pocket, but that also means it's really secure once it's in there.

Not gonna lie- felt like a friggin' genius when I came up with this. No more smushed or punctured snacks!

The handkerchief & burp cloth go on the bottom.

The back pocket on the left that is zippered shut holds her spare romper & bib (not sure how well this will work in winter when clothes are bigger). In front of that is the case with the spare pacifier, sunglasses, sunscreen, & that's also where the white sunhat goes.

The back pockets hold toys & a "med kit" (not pictured). LO got her first cut while we were out the other day (after I wrote this post), so I decided to add a little pouch with band-aids, first aid cream, Tylenol, med dispenser...and I think Orajel? Can't remember. Anyway, I thought I would have to take out some toys but actually managed to make it fit (the pockets are deeper than I remembered).

Lastly the cloth diapers and wetbag go into the main compartment. Normally I would take a smaller wetbag than the one in the picture, but the small ones were in the wash. Also I sometimes only carry 2 cloth diapers...I'm learning I was a bit of an over-packer in the beginning. Hey, it's my first kid. Figuring it out. With a smaller wetbag I might also put my daughter's taggie, as she loves blankets.

Oh, and see the little silver fabric on the sides...looks like a triangle? That's the gusset that keeps it from laying down flat in the front.


I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it all I want to carry and where. I hadn't planned on keeping a med kit, since as I said this is a quick daily bag, or the bug spray, since we keep that stuff in the car normally (along with spare wipes & diapers). BUT, some friends baby-sat her the other day and those things would have been nice for them too. Thinking about leaving the spare clothes in the car..she's really not that messy (and cloth diapers traditionally get less blowouts than disposables, so...just not super needed).

I really like this bag overall. 

It definitely wouldn't work for me if I had two in cloth diapers. But if I used disposables only, it would probably still work fine. I like that everything has it's place, and how comfy it is to wear as a backpack.

Even after we stop needing a diaper bag, it could be a really good overnight bag for her or even work bag, etc. It will definitely stick around for a while.

If you have (or had) a diaper bag, 

is there anything you think I'm missing?

What's In My Bag: Ju-Ju-Be Hobobe for Work

I told y'all in the last Add It To My List Link-Up that I had fallen for JuJuBe bags. Here's a review of how I pack it & why I think it's so awesome.

For my birthday, I purchased* a Hobobe and Be Quick off of the Buy/Sell/Trade page. I was only looking for a Hobobe, but the seller listed them both together for 40$ so I snatched it up. It's an older print, oh well. But the bag is still in really good condition and I bet I can use for a while.
 
*technically it's my present from the hubby, but this year we both said "Hey this is what I want" and we both got stuff we loved. Easier this way.

This is the picture from the BST page that caught my interest

Number one thing I loooooove about this bag? Two. Bottle. Pockets. Now, why does a grown woman need bottle pockets on a work purse? Because I like coffee in the morning, and water the rest of the time. Yes, I could carry these in my lunchbox. However. On the chance I don't finish either of these, they fall over in my lunchbox and leak. And I hate cleaning my lunch box. They stay perfectly upright in the bottle pockets of the Hobobe though. Perfectly. And even if they did spill, JJB bags are treated with Teflon so you just wipe them off.

Somehow this bag was treated with the Mary Poppins spell. I literally don't know how I fit so much in there.

Remember how I mentioned that I hadn't planned on getting the Be Quick? Well, I'm really glad to have one now. I haven't been carrying a big purse since I've started carrying a diaper bag. It was too much. So I had a small crossbody purse that I would carry with it (which I tossed into a canvas bag to carry to work with more crap). Then I got tired of that and would just throw my wallet, phone, keys, and chapstick into the diaper bag. The Quick is now perfect for holding these essentials. Plus, you can change the strap so it can be worn over the shoulder or as a wristlet or you can strap it to your diaper bag or on the stroller. So it can go in my work purse, be carried on it's own, or thrown into/strapped onto the diaper bag.

So in the Quick (small red bag), I have:

• Vera Wang wallet
• Hairbrush
• pocket knife
• face powder
• coin purse with eye drops, chapstick, and flossers
• folded up canvas bag (in case I run to the store & don't want to use plastic) 
• hand sanitizer
• sometimes my phone
• Sunglasses or case for clip-on sunglasses, depending on what I'm wearing that day

The bag is divided into a few compartments.

 In the two bottle pockets I have:

• Coffee cup
• Water bottle
• Or umbrella if it's raining & I want easy access

Back pocket:
(where the change pad would go if used for a diaper bag):

• Moleskin notebook
• Other notebook
• Random papers as needed 

Front "mommy" pocket:

• Work ID & keys on key fob
• This is the other big reason I wanted the bag. JuJuBe is the first line I have seen with a stretchy key fob built in. This is perfect for my work ID and office keys, which I always need at work but don't want to carry around on my normal key-ring
• I can swipe my timecard & unlock my office with my keys still in my purse- WIN
• pack of Papermate Flair Pens
• extra pens from church
• gum
• sometimes phone
• Earbuds 

Tech Pocket (not pictured):

• Sunglasses (my phone will fit in here, but because I have so much other stuff in it it's pretty tight & requires some wiggling-I prefer to keep it in the mommy pocket and have my sunglasses here- it's felt-lined so super soft to prevent scratches). It's tight but works. 

Main compartment:

• Umbrella (laying on the bottom)
• Be Quick (sits on top of umbrella)
• Book (current one is about 1.5 inches thick- will probably switch between this & iPad for e-reading)
• Lotion
• Deodorant
• Eyeglass case (with the clip-on sunglasses for my eyeglasses)

This bag can be worn over the shoulder or cross-body, so it's cool to have options. Also the hardware is really sturdy so I keep my car keys on a carabiner and clip them there (or to my diaper bag or to the Quick). I started doing this with my keys a few years ago and it's the freakin' smartest thing I've ever done- no more searching for my keys constantly. It does require that any bags I use regularly have sturdy hardware (I've chipped a LOT and worn out bags that only have fabric handles).

Another note- if needed I can also pull out the Quick so I can fit more stuff in the HBB and carry both on my shoulder. But that's pretty rare, since this bag is specific to work. 

Anyway. This is in no way sponsored, I have nothing to do with Ju-Ju-Be, I didn't even buy these bags new. I just really like the functionality of everything I have tried so far.

Diaper bag review later this week! Also JuJuBe...

Anyone else this picky about bags? 

Have you found a system that really works for you?

Letting It Go....

aka fucks I'm no longer giving 

Sorry for the language if it bothers you. But that's really the best way to describe it. Here's what I just refuse to worry about anymore.

• Celebrity gossip
• I just...do not care. I used to find it interesting. But now...they aren't in my life. Even if I like their work- I just like their work. Their profession does not mean I am forced to care about their personal beliefs or what they name their child. It just doesn't. And if our culture is going to lambast celebrities for being bad role models, then we also have to give up our trashy celebrity gossip that places them in the limelight.
• Being emotionally involved
• I care very deeply about many people and things. But not everything, and not all the time. And no, random person, I probably just don't care. I want you to be happy in a "I'm not a hateful person" way but that doesn't meant that 
• I need to hear your life story (looking at you, panhandlers- if I give you the money, that's MY decision that I make way before I talk to you...don't feel the need to give me a sob story. I don't care if you just go buy booze- my good thing is giving you the money and then I let it go. You aren't required to justify what you do with it).  
• I am required to tell you MY life story. It's mine. The more you bug me, the more I distrust you and will never tell you anything.
• Current Music
• I like what I like. I can't keep up. Especially now that I listen to podcasts in my car anyway. There is a part of me that thinks music people are so cool. I'm just not one of them.
• Eating organic or any type of diet/eating plan 
• Y'all, we're all gonna die of something. I choose pesticides and pre-packaged foods. Not all the time, but sometimes. It is just my reality. You can eat organic food instead of vaccinating your kids, whatever. Not my choice, and I don't care (but kid isn't playing with yours until she's had all the shots possible).
• Spending time away from my kid
• I LOVE my baby! She's super cool. And I'm coming out of the mom funk I was in for a few months. But it's good for her to spend time away and it's good for me to have some time to do other things- faster and more thoroughly- so that when we are home together we can have actual quality one-on-one time (I'm talking weekends away at grandparents, etc, not just leaving her alone for hours). 
• Slumps (reading & blogging specifically)
• Sometimes I read a ton and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I blog a ton and sometimes I don't. It goes in waves. I don't stop being a reader and blogger just because I take a few weeks off. It's about balance (just like eating well and spending time with my kid and everything else).
• Current fashion trends (if they don't work for me) 
• See my post about figuring out my personal sense of style. If it works for me, I'll do it. If not, I won't. End of story. 
• Most parenting advice
• I think I've made my feelings on parenting advice clear over the past 6 months. Do what works for you and your kid. The end (but seriously, vaccinate your kids).

My new plan is to simply take a mental shot when any of this comes up, and smile. Or say the word "Banana" over and over in my head until the person shuts up or the tendency to give a fuck goes away. NOPE. I'm done with these things.

Maybe I will do a post about what I actually do care about soon, but for now...

Please, Don't Smile at Me

There is this thing that people say, especially to women:

Smile, it's not that bad! Smile, you're so much prettier that way!

This is super annoying.

So I'm here to say, please don't smile at me.

Not unless you really want to.

Look, I live in the South and we're supposed to be all about hospitality. Which is cool. But...I'm not a natural smile-er.

I try it, at work. And I feel like a super lame phony.

WHY?

Because I barely laugh when I hear a joke, okay. I don't want to be a performing monkey.



And really, that's what what people want. They don't want to have to admit that life isn't perfect. They don't want to hear an honest answer to "How are you?" They just want to mosey along and pretend everything is fine, so they don't have to deal with your problems.

Well, I just want to say- you don't owe these people anything. 

You don't owe anyone your happiness, except yourself. And if you are happier planning a blog post or outfit in your head then in making pointless chitchat about the weather with a smile on your face- fantastic. DO THAT.

I'm not saying be rude.

And if you notice you are aiming your RBF in a particular person's direction, maybe move that angry-appearing gaze to the floor or ceiling so they don't think you're going to attack them.




But you don't have to smile, and it's BS that anyone believes you owe them one.

You don't owe me anything. But things are that bad, I'm offering to listen. And probably try to give you a glass of wine to help. You're welcome, friend.