Current Thoughts: July 2018

all gifs via giphy 

• I am taking a summer class and holy balls IT'S SO STRESSFUL. I have a midterm, a paper, and a group project all due next week. It might be okay if it wasn't also my first online class in like 8 years...but it is. Cue all the stress in the world.

• Babycakes is starting to show some independence! A few weeks ago we went to a birthday party and she spent more time in the Little Library with me than playing with the other kids. But we've been spending more time at the park and community events, and she is slowly starting to walk more than 2 feet away from me without saying "MOMMY! COME WITH ME!" Also I am so thankful for nicer, older kids who play with her. We spent an hour at the park the other day after a little girl immediately adopted Babycakes and "showed her" how all the park equipment worked and was generally adorable and kind. It's nice to be reminded that most of us start with kindness.

• On the other hand, we've started potty training and it's um...going. Honestly better than I expected- she used to hate the potty but is slowly getting used to it. She rarely asks to go but we bought some special books that stay in the bathroom that she likes, Hubby plays her music to keep her on there...I am honestly not ready but trying to deal.

• Still nothing on the foster care/adoption front :-/ Like, in a way it's good because hopefully that means kids are being taken care of. But also...I'm worried that our criteria is too narrow or something is somehow wrong with us (we've stated we can handle 1-2 kids, ages 0-6, mild disabilities at most although it's kind of varied between a bunch of different areas which is too lengthy to go into here). We had one call but there was communication issues and by the time we said yes, they had already found another foster family. Trying to have faith that it just wasn't meant to be and "our" child/ren will come into our family when it's meant to be. I know it's going to be so hard but the knowledge that a phone call could come in second or never means I have a low current of anxiety in the back of my head all the time. 

• We had an awesome day at the beach with our church group, including a couple who moved away but came back to visit! They are truly awesome people, afterwards another couple commented "yeah we thought we had been romanticizing them but no, they are really cool" which is basically the exact conversation Hubs & I had. HOWEVER- during this amazing trip, I got sunburned. And it doesn't hurt, but it itches like crazy and I am loosing my mind. Slapping on as much coconut oil as I can and popping Benedryl. 

• I am thinking of a blog overhaul...but I can't decide. Parts of me wants a new blog name too- but dude, I change blog names like every 3 years and it's starting to feel ridiculous. Thoughts?

What's going on with you?

Current Thoughts: June 2018

• How often are you supposed to apply lipstick? I really don't understand. It gets all over my coffee and water cups. I don't like wearing it out with my family because if I kiss Hubs or Babycakes it gets all over them. It feels silly to reapply mid-morning when no one is looking at me because I'm just sitting at my desk looking at a computer. I like wearing it, but not sure the proper amount.
• Got a new diaper bag. Ain't even sorry- I used to love big purses, now I love diaper bags, obviously I'm a bag lady. I have very few vices, so I'm at peace with it. JuJuBe had a huge sale and I got a Be Right Back bookbag style bag for 60% off. It's GORGEOUS, I've already gotten so many compliments, and I love it. My BFF was great but it definitely felt stuffed to the max (tbf, I hate having to take things in/out of bags so I probably carry more than strictly necessary). I wanted just a touch more space so I could carry my BuJo or jackets in the winter or, if/when we get a foster child, an extra set of clothes/etc for multiple kids. It packs differently but I think I'm a fan- although  I've only had it about a week ;) 
•  It appears my anxiety is reappearing. Not fully in the bad place yet, but the shadows are getting longer and closer. Hoping the fact that I am recognizing the warning signs is something positive?
• Vitamins work! Gave blood & my iron was great, while it's usually just on the border.

What's up with you lately?

Current Thoughts: May 2018

• April is Babycake's birthday month, and we had two birthday parties. One in our chosen town, and one in our hometown. It was extra stressful because I basically had 2...maybe 3 weeks to plan them, because Hubby also started his new job and we didn't know his schedule until...sometime like the first week or two in April. I don't remember. It's been crazy. Anyway, it went pretty well but...next time I'm just buying cake and ice cream. I spent way too much time and energy on snacks that people didn't eat. Hopefully next time I can just buy some cake and ice cream and rent a park so the kids can go crazy. 
• Either way, this was a big step for me- last year we didn't have a party for her in our chosen town, only in our hometown. To do that, to go through the effort, especially when Hubby was overwhelmed with his new job and could help a little but definitely not as much as I did, is a big personal step. And I hate to make my beautiful baby girl's day about me- and I didn't- but here on this blog, in my space...fuck yeah, I see a big improvement and I'm so proud of myself and genuinely happy and see this as a big milestone for me. I mean, I almost had a crying breakdown the next day when something went not according to plan, but still...it resolved quickly and it was an almost breakdown so still a personal win.

Never been sure what to call the city where we currently live, since I often feel like I need to specify that it is not our hometown. I guess I could say "my town" but since I wasn't born here it seems weird...so I am trying out "chosen town." Good? Should I get over it and say "my town?" This is the kind of thing I spend way too much time thinking about. 

• It feels like everywhere I look there is talk about the power of positive thinking. Or the Law of Attraction, or the confirmation bias, or whatever you want to call it. And while it does feel kinda hokey sometimes...do it. Change your thinking. Even if it's by changing one little habit at a time. Compliment someone. Read good news intentionally. Let someone out in traffic because it's the nice thing to do. If you pray, pray for the jackass that just cut you off in traffic. Start a gratitude journal. I don't care what it is as long as it does not hurt another person- do something positive. 

• This, this, this. I have an (ever growing) issue that with this, because I think- like most ultimatums- the idea that you either get friends OR love is complete and utter bullshit in so many ways.

• We are an officially licensed foster family!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This means the next step is...getting a call asking us to take a child into our home. We don't know when the call will come or what situation will be on the other end of the line or really anything at this point. It's exciting and scary and nerve-racking. Reading that email gave me almost the exact same feeling as when I read a positive pregnancy test several years ago.

What's going on with you this month?

Current Thoughts: April 2018

• Got my wisdom teeth out, and it wasn't terrible! I wasn't put under, because I didn't want to spend 250$. But I did get the laughing gas...probably didn't even need it, because the real champion is the numbing agents. 

• I bought myself jeans for the first time since Babycakes was born! I've bought/been gifted leggings, but no jeans. Somehow my jeans and shoes have started to not fit, either they are too big OR too small but nothing fits right (just call me Goldilocks). Anyway, holy cow I forgot how amazing a new, properly fitting pair of jeans can make you feel. Also bought some new shoes and dresses because I need clothes.
• Does anyone else just binge on clothes? I feel like I NEVER shop for clothes, until I absolutely have driven myself crazy with being unhappy with the state of my closet then I get multiple things at once, and am done for a year or so. 

• Hubby is finally starting his new job this month! PRAISE JESUS!!! Between my wisdom teeth recovery, the Easter holiday, the resulting visits from the parentals, and his wonky schedule with leaving the old job and training for the new job...I have no clue what day it is or what is going on. I've apologized to my supervisor for this, I have let my kid watch way too much TV...but I am just totally off my routine. We'll get back there, but I'm not worrying about it right now. Too much is going on. 

• I finally started watching Downton Abbey, which is fantastic. Just got to the part where the war started...I get help but noticed how it affects every aspect of life. It's a stark contrast to the extreme distance most Americans have between the war(s) we are/have been in. While I am not a fan of war by any means, I can't help but wonder how our (American) perspectives would change if it was our backyard that was the was the battlefield. 
• Also, I always forget that all war stories forever and always will make me cry and pull on the heartstrings.

•  My final exam is this month, which seems crazy fast but I'm SO excited for a break in school. I take one class a semester- because that's what my employer pays for ;) Can't imagine doing more.

What's up with you lately?

Current Thoughts: February 2018

 Hello! January is over! It took forever...why? Why is January the longest month EVER?

Anyway. Here's what's going on in my life atm...

• Babycakes is in a hitting/no no no to everything/tantrum, and it flippin' SUCKS. Like I know it's part of being a toddler, but it's also so damn infuriating and also concerning because I don't want my kid to be the brat. Hopefully it's just a stage, which I think the biting was, but ugh. Not a fan.




• On the other hand, SHE TALKS SO MUCH! And does so many things! It's so cool to see her put things together and make her own connections and thoughts, and see her little personality come out more and more. Totally adorable and awesome and fun. Definitely have to be super careful about what I say/watch/listen to/do, because she copies literally EVERYTHING.

• Basically, living with a toddler is literally like living with a real life Sour Patch kid.

• Hubs & I have a halfway plan of getting out of debt, possibly within the next 1-2 years. I know some people act like debt itself is the worst thing on the planet, but truthfully I'm just proud of us for realizing our mistakes and working to fix them. It's dependent on a few things that aren't set in stone quite yet but look very probable. Like, we took half our tax return to pay off my student loan! And have fairly responsible plans for the other half. Overall, yay, successful adulting! 

• More successful adulting: I went to the dentist! I know, this SHOULDN'T be a big deal...but I haven't been since high school. It's terrible, but whatever, it's my life. I'm going to end up getting 5 teeth removed (wisdom teeth+an extra...literally I just have an extra tooth behind my normal tooth). Anyway, this is nothing and I probably have a long road ahead of me, possibly braces IF I can afford them which I'm not sure I can. But, I did a thing I've avoided for a decade so GOOD FUCKING JOB, ME.

• I think I have hacked my own Facebook. I hate Facebook because it is supposedly about connection, but IT'S NOT. At least not for me. No one talks TO each other, they mostly talk ABOUT each other...or themselves. But it does provide useful information for researching restaurants and community events, selling things in BST or Yard Sale pages, etc. Sooooo...I decided to unfollow all of my "friends!" With all due respect to them...it's not being used as a means of actual communication. I started to just unfriend people, but that would potentially cause drama that I am just not prepared to handle at the moment. It's great. I'm not worried about missing info, because my IRL friends or Hubs will keep me clued in on the major developments. 

What's up with you lately?

Current Thoughts: December 2016

• Already had a family fight regarding Christmas! But, kinda glad we got it out of the way early. Now everyone knows that everyone is unhappy with reality (re: multiple families and inconvenient work schedules and ya know, the fact that we can't duplicate ourselves to be everywhere at once) but we're gonna smile like we enjoy the holidays anyway.

•  While I super love my non-denominational "contemporary" church, I feel myself drawn more and more to the traditional habits of the Christian faith. We don't do Communion every week, but it affects me whenever we do. Baptisms make me cry, with hope and joy and faith. I want to do more research about these traditional practices but I'm not sure where to go- I don't want just a dry history book. I want something living and breathing the faith of those who follow Jesus. 

• Took a sick day recently- a legitimate, home in bed alone sick day. Y'all, I needed that. It was 60% physically sick, 40% mental health day. I can't remember the last time I had a day where I did nothing but take care of myself. Usually my "sick" days include taking care of Babycakes, or when she goes to visit the grandparents and I'm "off" Mommy Duty I am still on Wife/Adult duty and bust my butt trying to tackle projects around the house that are difficult with her around.  We did a ton of stuff this weekend, basically our immediate family Christmas celebrations (pictures with Santa, city Christmas lights tour, a birthday party) plus a ton of cleaning and I think the busyness (that looks wrong...) plus the nasty weather just took me down (thinking allergies or a sinus infection, because Hubs & Babycakes are fine, which is why I sent her to daycare). But I feel restored in my soul. Honestly, I need to do that more. Probably need to just schedule an actual mental health day for myself every few months. 

•  Babycakes' daycare is closed for a full week after Christmas. I'm kind of terrified to be home with her alone that long. It will be the longest time since my maternity leave. I feel like some people think that is weird or bad, but umm...being a SAHM is a specific skill that I haven't fully developed yet. I love my daughter fiercely, and I'm sure there will be some magical moments and I'm so thankful for the time with her. But the fallout from routine will be hard and being 100% responsible for another human drains me sometimes, even when it's also what fills me up. I am already putting out the SOS call to my SAHM friends and asking them to help! Thankfully, they are awesome and gave me suggestions of stuff to do throughout the week and volunteered to hang out with us.

• I ended up with a 92 in my class!!!! Whoop whoop, yay me, not bad for a 5 year break and working full time and mommying and general adulting.

What's up with you lately? 

Current Thoughts [November 2017]

• My number one work complaint is when people cannot take criticism or admit they made even the tiniest mistake. Humans are human, y'all. You are inevitably going to make a mistake. Throwing someone under the bus is not going to make you look good. Also...don't tell people you have a lot of initiative unless you are interviewing for a job. Once you are actually working the job, let your work speak for itself. Trust me, if you're as good as you think you are the rest of us will notice. 

• Babycakes is going through...something. Teething- working on those last molars which are supposed to be the worst? Maybe just hitting the toddler tantrum stage. She gets super upset super quickly for seemingly no reason...sometimes I can calm her down but usually not. Daycare drop off has been basically traumatic for us both. There are definitely good times, but there's been some rough moments also. 

• But on the plus side- no more pacifier!!! It really wasn't as bad to take as I thought. She apparently ONLY used it at home/around Tank & I anyway. She would go all day at daycare w/o it but then start asking for it literally as soon as I showed up to pick her up. So I had the feeling it was more psychological than physical need. The first night we tried nighttime without it, it was a fight and we gave in. But about a week later I just hid them all and she was tired and laid down without it. Once they were out of sight, it only took a few days to pretty much be done. 

 

• We have gotten into the "screen time" thing with her though. She is now obsessed with this Baby Shark video...and while I feel bad sticking her in front of the TV...it's now what she does while I make dinner. Mommy's sanity is worth an hour or so of screen time a day, right...

• Went to a local holiday shopping event and knocked out like 80% of my Christmas shopping list. Yes, I spent a ton of money...but honestly it was about on track for what I normally spend on presents and it was smaller local businesses. Plus I bought my OWN presents with approval from Tank- these are things that have been on my "Want" list for months and he literally just has to throw them in a bag...

• It's our anniversary this month and we seriously cannot figure out what to do. I'm almost over it because I'm trying to hard to decide on something and neither of us can commit to the "right thing."
  

What's up with you lately?

Current Thoughts [October 2017]

original photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash

FYI: renaming the "Mid-Month Updates" to "Current Thoughts"

• Can someone who disagrees with kneeling during the National Anthem please explain to me what is an appropriate means of protest? Because it is nonviolent, does not block roadways or workplaces, and takes up no ones time.
• And just a reminder that, FYI, protesting is part of the  Constitution...you know, the document and ideals that is actually supposed direct our laws and governing rather than bullshit opinions of people who didn't pay attention in history class. 

 

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• The military is not a single person or school of thought. Like the NFL and literally every other group in America, there are diverse opinions and beliefs and races and religions. Gettin' real sick of people speaking out about how "soldiers" feel about politics and the above-mentioned forms of protests. This idea that there is a single prevailing opinion within any group of people is exactly what has our country in the fucked up position it is currently in. 

• I think I might be getting carpal tunnel between school & work and typing/writing all day. Trying to take asprin & do some stretches to help...might break down and get a wrist brace.

• There is a consignment sale for kids coming up and I am PUMPED. I am not a super Black Friday shopper or anything like that, but this is only 2x a year and it's the easiest way to get baby clothes. Even asked for help to line up a (free, thankfully) sitter. 

 

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• Still riding that bullet journal train. Y'all, it's like magic. I am not working any harder than normal but I actually feel like I'm being more productive, because instead of wasting time trying to remember what all I have to do I'm just...doing it. And it's all there in a tiny little book. I'm such a nerd. 

•  Babycakes got bit at daycare...twice in one week. She was the biter for a while, so I try to be understanding...but one of them left a bruise that lasted about 4-5 days. She's skinned knees and stuff, but that's while having fun. This is the first time someone else has truly left a mark, and while I know it happens it's still uncomfortable.
 
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• Pretty much our whole family is feeling icky. THANK JESUS no stomach bug, which is going around. But snotty and Babycakes had a fever, so she had to stay home from daycare. I'm about 90% sure it was due to teething because as soon as she came home and had one dose of Tylenol she was totally fine, maybe 15% snug-lier and whiny than normal...but no more fever and up for playing. Which sinus headache-y mama was not prepared for (I stupidly thought we'd have a sick cuddle day...ahahahaha).

• It's freakin' October and I'm still having to shave my legs, because it's like 75 and about 1000% humidity at 5 am. GET IT TOGETHER, MOTHER NATURE. I need it to be cool enough to wear leggings, okay? Because again- ickyness all over the house. And it's hard to be sure anyone has a fever when realistically we could just be sweating because everything is sweating because it's seriously almost 80 when we wake up. 

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• It's so frustrating to me when people don't just FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. I'm having to train new people at work again and ugh it's the worst. People who don't grasp things baffle me. And I'm sure that's a privilege that I have...but ugh it's soooo hard. Especially when I'm not a friendly person to start with. 

• I'm officially addicted to caffeine. If I don't have a cup of coffee or can of soda by lunch I have a raging headache and feel quite stabby. Based one a post in a moms group though...I may be able to blame pregnancy. Apparently it can make you resistant to caffeine- like shaking after a cup of 1/2 decaf, or make you dependent on it (aka me). 

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This turned a little more rant-y than I expected...but this is sort of where I get things out and all the fun stuff I like typically goes to the Show Us Your Books or Add It To My List link-ups. One rant-y post a month seems fair.

What's up with you lately?