Motherhood as God's Tool

Photo by Tim Oun on Unsplash

 

There was recently a conversation within my church about whether it is okay for women to work outside the home. A woman was struggling with whether she should continue working or stay at home with her children. To be clear, this was not something that was ever preached against at my church- but it is something that has been controversial within the Church (aka Christian culture) overall. While I was listening to the discussion (which thankfully said- pray about it and do what you & your spouse if you have one feel is right for your family), a thought struck.

My mom always worked, and I never felt bad about it. Most of my friends had moms that worked, and it really wasn't a big deal. Of course, I was also watched by my grandma so there was still a very close familial care provided versus a daycare/etc (obviously my kid is in daycare so I'm not against it at all, just stating my experience). But pretty much once I could drive, and even somewhat before that, I was expected to handle certain things myself. I organized rides if I needed it and my parents were busy, I paid bills either by working myself or if my parents gave me the money, I ran errands to help out around the house.

I never thought of it before, but this is exactly the life I needed to live to prepare me for being a) an Army wife, and b) a first generation college student. 

If I had a family member who stayed home with me, or drove me around (my grandma didn't drive for health reasons), it would be have been really hard for me to be thrust into independence all of a sudden at age 18. I was eased into independence gradually as a teenager, and I'm so thankful for that.

Don't get me wrong- it was still hard. 

But it would have been ever harder had I not been used to asking for help, putting those answers into action myself, and being used to not knowing things. Instead of having someone do stuff for me or know all the answers, I was expected to figure them out myself. This skill and habit was invaluable to me, and is probably why I didn't end up of flunking out, getting divorce, and/or having a nervous breakdown.

All that to say, my childhood perfectly prepared me for the life God had planned for me.

I don't think my parents knew I would get married at 18 and move halfway across the country by myself. I don't think they knew I would go to college- they hadn't. Maybe they didn't even feel like not working was a choice- lots of people don't, regardless of what some say.

Anyway, it hit me that while we often try to plan our lives and struggle with our decisions...in the end, we are merely a tool of God. 

We are not God. 

We don't choose where our children end up, or who they grow to be. At best, we prepare them for the lives He has planned. It may not end up being anything we would ever choose or guess for them- but in the end, it's His will not ours, right? Thinking of these takes so much pressure off of me.

Yes, I should know it in theory already. But seeing the example in my own life was a huge lightbulb moment.

I am a Christian- I claim that title of my own free will. If it is true, if I really believe that, then I have to trust that my prayers are heard and my will is directed by the Lord. I don't have to know why things happen the way they do, I just have to trust that He is using them for His plan.

Celebrating a Christian Christmas

 

Every year, there seems to be a lot of talk about Christmas is getting more and more commercialized. 

I think everyone hears this at least a little, but it's definitely talked about within the Christian community.

The hard part is...sometimes I'm not sure exactly what it is people are mad about. A cashier saying "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas?" What the cup they drink their 5$ coffee cup out of looks like?

I just have trouble going "Yep, you're right, that's what my Christmas is all about!"

Supposedly it's all about keeping Christ in Christmas. Which, as a Christian, I am ALL FOR. But...I just don't think it comes down to yelling at a cashier.

And these same people are also the ones who would be SUPER upset if I give my kid gifts from me and my husband instead of Santa...but that's another whole conversation.


I'm not personally upset about other people celebrating a holiday differently than I do, or not celebrating at all. Actually, I'm kind of grateful.

Because it's making me really stop and think about what it means to celebrate Christmas as a Christian. Shouldn't it be about more than a flippant saying as I leave a store, where I just spent hundreds of dollars? How is showering my child with dozens of presents from a fat guy with a beard teaching her about the Savior of the World?

What exactly is it that will make Christmas a Christian holiday in my home?


Here are some ideas I have come up with so far:

• The Giving Manger
•  The link takes you to an "official" kit, which is gorgeous and I kind of really want. But, I also read about someone who just made their own. All you need is a basket, a baby doll, and "straw." Each day in December, you perform an act of service for someone. It can be big or small, but it's about teaching kids (and reminding adults) to be like Christ by serving the people around us. 
• Donating Toys & Clothes
• I remember my mom talking about going through my old toys and clothes around November for donations. It's partly self-serving, because it basically just makes room for new things that will show up soon. But it also teaches how to not be hoarder and generosity and other good stuff. Nowadays there are probably more regulations and lots of shelters, etc want new items- which I totally understand! But even if it means buying new things for others, I really want to make a point of helping others. Which leads into...
• Operation Christmas Child
•  We've done this every year for the past 2-3 years. You fill up a cardboard box or other similar sized container with gifts for children and they are distributed (along with Christian pamphlets) by Christian missionaries.
• Singing Happy Birthday & Birthday Cake on Christmas Day 
• Yes, this one is kind of silly. But it's the holidays! I always had to say "Happy Birthday Jesus!" before opening any presents from Santa. I'd like to kick that up a notch and do a cake and sing and the whole nine yards. Plus, birthday cake is Tank's favorite. And there are lots of "birthday cake" options- cookies/fudge/dip/etc. Just a little something to tie a traditional birthday celebration into Christmas.
• Three Gifts from Santa
•  I was always told that we exchange gifts at Christmas to represent the gifts that the Wise Men brought Jesus. And while I have really fond memories of lots of toys around the tree...I really, really don't want to turn into one of those people who goes crazy with presents. I can already tell it's going to be suuuuuper hard. But hopefully this rule would help keep that in check and also further cement Christ's birth as the center of our Christmas celebrations. We will give additional presents as parents (maybe the four categories) and obviously the grandparents and other family members won't have a limit or anything (because they wouldn't listen if we tried).

Tank & I haven't officially decided on all of these (or even discussed, actually, some of this is just me thinking out loud); Babycakes is still small- not even two. We have some time to figure it out...but I'm actually really grateful for this "war on Christmas" theory that has forced me to examine my beliefs.

I am grateful to have a close group of Christian friends to talk about this with thoughtfully and non-judgmentally. I'm grateful that despite the culture I'm in, good or bad, Jesus is constant. 

Oh, and we also will do some standard not-specifically Christian Christmas things. We go look at lights, either by ourselves or with a city tour, we watch Christmas movies like The Grinch, etc.

And since we are often out of town visiting family I started a tradition of making orange rolls on Christmas morning. I can do this wherever we are, and it can be enjoyed by everyone, at any age, for many years. Traditions that are reliant on a specific location or time or schedule just aren't logical for our family.

If you celebrate a Christian Christmas, what Christ-focused traditions do you enjoy? 

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash, edited with Canva

Salvation Sunday: Why I Love My Church

On Easter Sunday, my family went back to our hometown and attended church at my grandma's church.

This is the church I grew up in, a Free Will Baptist church. I appreciate the Biblical base of knowledge that was provided there. But I'm glad I don't attend it regularly anymore.

The congregation (or...audience, I guess, if you aren't used to Christian-ese) hasn't really grown since I was there as a kid. In fact, I think it may have decreased. The people who attend are mostly older people- my grandparents age. My two cousins in their twenties go, with their kids. There is one teenager who attends regularly, and one more who may attend sporadically. So the under twenty members are less than ten.

Maybe because of this, the sermon was a little...patchy. Random bits of random topics. And the Biblical topics talked about were a little doom & gloom. Some stereotypical end of the world stuff.

Let's be clear...I don't disagree with it. It's kind of a central core of my faith that Christ is how you obtain salvation and get into heaven.

But this is what I disagree with- I don't think that hell is a selling point of Christianity. 

Not that I think Christianity is something to be sold...but the great commission is to share the love of Christ and get more people to become Christians.

And I don't think saying "Hey you're going to hell" is the way to do that. I mean...you sound like a crazy asshole. And for someone who has lived their whole life without Christ anyway, why do they want to join a group of mean people who only want them if they're willing to act a specific way?

So attending that church highlighted why I love the church I go to now. It doesn't disagree with anything said at the older church.

But the focus is about how to live with Christ today- here, on earth. 

It's about how to talk to people about Jesus in a way that demonstrates what is great about Him, and shows why He is the right choice. It's not about alienating other people- it's about being a light and helping.

So I'm glad I found a place that fits where my life is right now. I hope you do too.

Why I'm Not Surprised or Offended by Non-Christians

Lately I've been noticing a trend. It's been going on for years- or at least, I started noticing it years ago, but it seems to have gotten worse lately.

That sentence applies to a lot of things, actually.

But specifically, this is about the fact that Christians keep getting offended or surprised when people act in non-Christlike/Biblical ways.

Y'all. I don't know what Bible you are reading. But today's world is just a different kind of sinful. People didn't have iPads or know who the Kardashians were in Moses' day and they still ended up worshiping a gold statute.

People inherently suck. That's basically the point of Christianity- humans are awful and need a perfect Savior.

So then WHY do Christians act like it is a surprise when NON-CHRISTIANS do not act in a Christ-like manner?

That is exactly what the Bible tells us is going to happen.

No, the world is not perfect. Yes, you have to witness non-Christians thing. Yes, your children have to witness non-Christian things. Because this is not HEAVEN. This is Earth, and it's full of people who suck.

Non-Christians, please don't think I am saying you are terrible people. I mean, I kind of am, but my point is that ALL people are flawed. There are plenty of terrible people who claim (and probably even are) Christians, but that's a whole other subject. I'm trying to start with the basics here.

I'm just pointing out that if you are worried about policing behavior...you are going to have your hands full, Christians.

It is illogical to expect people who are not Christians to adhere to Christian beliefs. 

The laws of Amsterdam mean nothing here in America. And the laws of Christianity mean nothing to those outside the faith. Stop acting like it's a shock and offense when it's common friggin' sense.

Also, why do Christians refuse to go into explanations? You can say "pre-marital sex is wrong" and call people trashy and get all the Christian brownie points you want. But unless you explain why, you just sound like an arrogant jerk.*

*my perspective- within Christianity sex is considered very intimate and personal and holy- to do that outside of marriage or with multiple people is to endanger your spirituality...it's like eating a dozen doughnuts every day...you can, but it's not good for you, and even from a secular perspective you have to admit sex can be emotionally and physically risky

And you can refuse to join an organization that also allow LGBT+ members, but guess what? You have a 0% chance of ever sharing Christ with someone you refuse to be around.

I am not surprised or offended when people outside of my faith act with disregard to my faith.

What bothers me is when Christians somehow think they are above everyone else and the entire world- literally- should act the way THEY BELIEVE. 

Read your Bible. The freakin' superhero of our faith was murdered.

Almost every story in the Bible involves Christians being treated like crap. We are almost never the victors- at least not immediately.

You want to know why we don't see miracles the way we used to? Because we don't give the Lord the opportunity to do them.

If someone tried to throw a Christian into a lion's den today, there would be millions of dollars thrown together and pro-American speeches made and they would never even hear a lion's roar.

Get down off your freakin' high horse and go take care of some widows and orphans, or at least stop looking so smug while you eat your damn "straight people only" Chik-fil-a.

Christians V Sinners [From the Archives]

from the archives

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Often within the Christian community, you here things about sinners.  Sin is something that is unavoidable as humans.  Yes, as Christians we should strive to not sin.  But…at the end of the day we’re going to fail.  It’s just built in to us.

As a Christian, I try not to sin because a) my life is typically easier and happier when I don’t sin, and b) it makes my Lord Jesus happy when I avoid sins that go against him (those reasons need to be reversed in order…this is why I am still very much growing in my Christianity).

But there is no way that I will ever not be a sinner.  

Because I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth, I am a sinner saved by grace.  

But…I am still a sinner.  I always will be.  

All of us, will always be sinners.

So I get a little…wary when I hear the term sinner in churches/the Christian community.  Mainly because it’s commonly used as an us v. them situation- meaning Christians are in one group and sinners are in another.  And in my mind, that is not a true distinction.  Christians are still sinners…if that was a Venn Diagram, it would just be a circle.

Personally, I look at it more as a “believer and non-believer” situation, “Christian or non-Christian.”  To some this may seem as a nit-picky detail, but I think it reflects a problematic mindset.  It automatically creates a divide where we should be trying to create unity– a unity based on a shared belief of Christ.  It’s hard to show people the love of Jesus when there is an ingrained belief that youare better than them.  None of us are better than others- only the Savior who resides within in us separates Christians from non-Christians.  He is better than all of humanity, and we are blessed when he comes into our hearts and lives.  To act as though it’s anything other Him that separates us from our fellow mankind is not logical or glorifying- it’s actually really annoying and arrogant. 

Perfect in Weakness: Christianity

 from the archives

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disclaimer: I'm already worried that I will end writing too much about being pregnant, and then when the kid arrives...but screw it. My blog has never been super popular and I'm not entirely sure what you expect if it's not my random thoughts. And those thoughts now include babies. So, I will try to make it relatively general and funny (because this shit is awkward in so many ways) but it's going to pop up.

I haven’t fully gotten to the super joyous part of being pregnant. I think it will come. But the first trimester is basically three months of feeling like crap- and I had it so much easier than most. But I could definitely tell that my body wasn’t operating at it’s full capacity (which really sucks because I had finally gotten into a good routine at the gym and was feeling great and even loosing weight).
And now that I’ve kinda burst the bubble and it’s officially out, my co-workers and constantly asking me how I’m feeling and watching what I’m doing.

I appreciate their concern- but at times it can be overwhelming.

I know I’ve probably beaten this dead horse a lot too, but I was a military wife. Like, at 18. So a huge immediate part of my life as an adult was doing stuff on my own.

So when I’ve gained a total of 3 lbs and have energy for the first time in two and a half months, it’s tough to accept when someone gets in my face about picking up a box that weighs less than 10 lbs. I feel like some people just want me to sit in a bubble for the next 6 months, and I just can’t do that. I don’t want to, and it’s not good for me OR the kid. I know things have changed and now women are encouraged to keep up some form of exercise, but people have these really strong beliefs that you just can’t shake.
It’s tough. It’s tough for me to accept that I can’t do things for myself- and it’s tough to ask for help.

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

While I’ve read this verse about a million times, it really slapped me in the face last week as I bitched about everyone bitching at me.

I’ve heard about how beautiful and natural pregnancy is, and I know that there are many people who struggle with infertility and would gladly trade places with me in a second. But I’ve always viewed pregnancy as something that was a path to motherhood, not something in itself to be celebrated solely as a condition.

And as a condition, it can kinda suck! I mean look, just being real, I have never in my life been constipated until I was with child. And then I laid in my bathroom floor in pain the week after I found out until I started drinking Benefiber with my water each day.

But looking at this pregnancy as the type of weakness that glorifies God struck me as a beautiful thing. It made me feel less out of control, and more like I was part of something bigger.

It made me wonder how much different I could feel if every time I felt weak I instead sought out the proof of His power.

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I originally wrote this about 4-5 months ago, when I was in the middle of my pregnancy. 

Man, did I need to come back and reread it now. I'm nearing the end and things are getting tough. 

I'm uncomfortable a large majority of the time. And still, I know I could feel so much worse- many do. 

I've got weeks left. It's probably only going to get tougher. But there is still His grace and power. Even more as I get weaker and weaker. 

Hell, and Why We Don’t Like It Either

Many people outside of organized religion can at least understand and even like the idea of a god and a heaven.  They may not agree on the details, but the general idea is fairly universal.

I’m not sure why the idea of an opposing bad force (devil/hell) is so radical then.  

Look at any movie, book, even song- there’s almost always some conflict.  It’s a natural way of life. But people outside of religion (and quite a bit within it, come to think of it), do not like talking about hell.

There is a really basic answer to this- it sucks.  No one wants to think of an evil force that could randomly be at work within their life.  No one wants to imagine a miserable eternity- life itself can hurt so damn bad that the idea of anything worse, lasting even longer, is just a shitty shitty thing to ponder.

Well, I want to let out a big secret here- Christians don’t like hell either.

I think when people hear the words Christianity+hell they automatically think of Westboro Baptist Church style hatred being spewed.  This is really, really not the case the majority of the time.

Yes, some (so-called) Christians use “You’re going to hell!” like it’s going out of style.  They seem so self-righteous and judgmental and downright hateful- like they get pleasure from the idea of your suffering.  And that’s absolutely not okay.  But those people are the minority in my opinion- it’s just unfortunately a case where the squeaky wheel gets the grease (or in this case, the attention).
Today, I ask you to please, please put those people out of your mind.  Instead, think about it from this side:

As a Christian, I believe in God.  I believe that people are inherently sinful, and can never measure up to that God.  The wonderful, amazing thing about Christianity is that this has been taken care of by Christ sacrificing himself.  These are the basic foundations of my Christianity.  Unfortunately, with the belief that Christ is the only way to heaven…it follows that people who don’t believe in Christ don’t go to heaven.

And let me tell you, that frickin’ blows.  It is not a good, pleasing feeling (for most of us) to know that people you love are going to miss on what you truly believe is the best thing in life, both this physical one and an eternal spiritual one.  It blows so much that it’s been enough to shake the faith of believers- because faith is hard at times.  My life would be so much easier if I really didn’t feel this way and could just say “Sure, do whatever you want, nothing really matters except your opinion!”

I mean, it would also be much more lonely and less fulfilling, but it would certainly be much easier at times.

So when most Christians say “That isn’t right,” “that’s sinful behavior,” or “you’re going to hell,” it’s not easy for us to say.  We aren’t saying it because it makes us happy.  We’re saying it because we care.  We are saying it because we truly, from the bottom of our hearts, hurt to see you doing something that we believe is detrimental to your life.  We typically know that we are risking you going off on us, and we are doing it anyway because we are hoping with all we have that you might turn towards something that is better for you.  We are saying it because it’s heartbreaking to see you suffer and we believe that there is a Savior who can help soothe that pain better than anyone or anything on earth.

I do not believe in scaring people into Christianity.  I don’t think that trying to do that produces authentic or truly saved believers.  But I do think it’s unfair, both to believers and nonbelievers who may be interested in an open, well-rounded conversation, that the mention of this part of faith automatically puts so many walls up.  I just hope that if this comes up in the future, you would
think about it from the other side and understand how hard of a topic it is on this side of the fence too.

Christian Hypocristy

from the archives

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Growing up, I thought hypocrisy, especially Christian hypocrisy, was one of the absolute worst traits a person could have. To be called a hypocrite was worse than any cuss word ever used; I was very self-righteous in certain ways. And I still agree that we should try to avoid hypocrisy.

But I like to think I’ve grown up at least a little. And maybe it’s wrong, but I’ve become less rigid in a lot of my beliefs.

I truly believe that we live in a gray world, even though so many people act as though it’s black and white.

This is especially true when it comes to the church, or at least here in America.

One of my small group leader is a musician. A few weeks ago, when we met his house he played a video for us. It was a Christian concert, and the lead singer did the thing where he had each band member do a little solo on their particular instrument. He then asked us if we thought there was anything wrong with that- to which all of us said no.

Apparently, that’s not how everyone felt. Some people took it as the band members showing off, or glorifying themselves.

If these musicians are going to “use their gifts to praise the Lord,” shouldn’t they try to be the best they can be at it? I mean, I am supposedly trying to learn guitar but I suck at it right now. Sure, I could strum a chord and claim it’s praise- but that would be some pitiful praise. It would feel much more respectful to read my Bible, or pray, or just…meditate, almost, to the actual good sounding music of more talented people.

I’ve also heard some people say that we should be the same inside of church as we are outside of church. For a long time, I would have agreed- anything else would be Christian hypocrisy, right?

But I’m starting to change my opinion there. For several years, I didn’t have a church. I mean, I belonged to the general “body of Christ” type of church. But a specific group of people who shared my beliefs and worked together for the good of God and my local community, who prayed together and supported each other? Nope. I was a bit of a Christian island.

I know that my Christian walk was not as close to Christ or as strong then as it is now that I have those things. I’m not saying a church is necessary for Christianity, but I think the right church can be incredibly helpful to a Christian.

To me, my relationship with the church is similar to my marriage; my husband and our marriage highlights my good as well as my bad. It reflects the best and worst of myself, and makes me really analyze the kind of person I want to be and the characteristics I want to display.

Church & Christianity does the same thing. Yeah, I love singing about faith and being steadfast on Sundays. The reason that touches be so much is precisely because I struggle with control issues and self-doubt the rest of the week. It’s not hypocrisy that makes me love hearing about things that are the opposite of me- it’s inspiration and need.

The Bad Christian podcast talks about this a lot when it comes to worship leaders & pastors (since that’s what the hosts are/have been). Is it hypocrisy for a pastor to preach a sermon about anxiety when he is worried about the church finances? Is it hypocrisy for a worship leader to smile and try to inspire others to praise when he is angry with God for allowing his wife to get cancer?

Or is is just flawed humans fulfilling the responsibility they’ve accepted to live out their beliefs that He is greater than ourselves and anything in our lives, and encourage others to do the same?

Isaiah 2: 22 says it like this:
Stop trusting in mere humans,
    who have but a breath in their nostrils.
    Why hold them in esteem?

We should strive to be steadfast and strong in our faith. But we are flawed.

That is the beauty of Christianity- that is what makes me hope and believe, the idea that we have a Savior in Jesus Christ who loves us despite our flaws and is pure enough to wash us clean.

We have to learn to grown in our faith- even if it means losing our self-righteousness. Maybe especially when loose our self-righteousness. We have to try to practice the forgiveness and understanding of Christ- isn’t that a huge part of what being a Christian is all about?