Perfectionist Problems

There are parts of my life that I like to keep pretty orderly.

Not my laundry, or my car, or my house in general. Some things will only ever be "good enough."

So there are clothes that are clean but still in baskets, bags with "trash" in my car (papers mostly or maybe gum), and dog hair in the hall because I don't sweep as often as I should.

But when it comes to work or school or things that involve other people, I am pretty organized. 

I write down instructions, I hate repeating myself, I don't like to be late or in someone's way. And I like being one of the best. At literally every job I've had since 16, I have constantly been told I'm a great employee.

To be fair...I think it's more that I do what I'm supposed to do, and other people actually suck, versus me being truly awesome.

Either way, I like that. I like being dependable and successful. This probably links way back to elementary/high school when "good grades and reading" were literally the only things I had going for me (and I use the term "going for me" lightly since it could be negative also). That's probably why my personal life and space can be a bit of mess- I finally carved out a place for myself to relax.

Anyway, all this to say...

I gotta chill the fuck out with that shit.

I struggled with it a lot when Babycakes was born (see here & here for a wrap up of that shit-show). And I've gotten a lot better in that area. But maybe I'm compensating with that perfectionist spirit in some other places.

I received the results of my first test, and it was a 93. 

Which by all accounts is pretty dang good. It's an A, and it's well above the minimum grade to stay in the program.

So why was my first thought "Man I thought I did better than that?"

If anyone else had told me they got that grade, I would have been so happy for them!!

Part of it is, there wasn't that much on the test that I struggled with. So I want to know what I did wrong. But regardless, that's a terrible first reaction. That is not being kind to myself.

When I have realizations like this, I always come back to a quote from Amy Poehler in Yes, Please:

Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works.

To be clear, I am not knocking myself for being this way. 

I've done that before too- beat myself up for something, then beat myself up for beating myself up. Those days are gone, okay? I refuse to be my own worst enemy.

I had a thought, and I immediately recognized that it wasn't helpful or fair to myself. And I'm going to work on it. So while I'm sad...I'm also proud. Proud for identifying something and being a good friend to myself.

I am who I am. And I am enough. I won't stop trying to improve, but I can do so with grace- for myself and others.

Add It To My List Link-Up: September 2017

  Link-up creators are Lauren from Eat, Drink, & Be Lauren and Bre from Bre Writes. Basically, they are always recommending things to each other- podcasts, television shows, music, blah blah blah. And they figured- why not share even further?

Ugh, not that much to add this month guys. Had my first test this month and I've been busy.

• Royal Pains (tv show)
• It's on Netflix, and it's passing the time nicely. 
• Queso dip & Chipotle Lime Salsa from Aldi
• Can't find a link for these, but YUM. Some friends invited us over to watch a football game and these were the perfect snack food...I may have eaten about 3 plates #sorrynotsorry
• Mint Candy Apple nail polish from Essie
• Got this from a friend and seriously had 3 compliments Sunday morning at church. 
• Betty Crocker Spice Cake
• Perfect cake for fall! I switched out the vegetable oil for coconut oil because that's what I had on hand, then added cream cheese icing & walnuts. YUM. 
• Recollections Washi Tape
• I bought some of this for my Bullet Journal. At first I didn't really get the appeal, but I was trying to keep everything super simple so I would actually stick with my BuJo.  I got this one at Michael's, but can't find it on their website. Yay, coupons! It's still easy to do but gives me a little "pop" of color and creativity.

What have you been loving lately?

Join the link-up & let us know!

Ways I am a Bad Feminist

original photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

 
A while back I read (well, listened to) Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. The title of the book stems from the idea of treating feminism & feminimists like it/they have to be perfect...despite the fact that no one and nothing is perfect. The following quotes kind of sum up the theory:

I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I'm not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I'm right. I am just trying- trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself.  

“When feminism falls short of our expectations, we decide the problem is with feminism rather than with the flawed people who act in the name of the movement.” 

So, here are the ways I'm a bad feminist. I know they're problematic, and they may upset someone. But...I'm just a person. I'm definitely wrong about some stuff, and I've got a lot to learn. We all do.

I don't like it when families don't have a cohesive last name. It makes addressing Christmas cards/etc so much more confusing- do I list the full names of both? Just the first names? The Smith-Jones Family/Household? Blergh.

Also, don't tell me it's anti-feminist that I took my husband's name.  My maiden name came from I guy I saw maybe 4 times a year until about age 13, when he stopped contacting me all together. It is not something I want to carry around for the rest of my life. There is no "one size fits all" approach for how we should identify ourselves. So, while I don't like that I don't know how to address your Christmas cards...I'll stumble through. Do the same for me, kthanksbye.

I can't stand when people say "We're practically married, we just haven't made it official." Is it really? That's like me saying "Well I'm practically runner- I have the active wear and the hydration belt and I registered for all these races. I just haven't actually ran in them, that's all."  This especially confuses me when it comes from people who also fight for the rights of gay marriage...either the piece of paper means something, or it doesn't. Both opinions are valid, but they are totally different. 


I do not like glitter, and I'm a little judge-y towards those that do. Same for pastel pink and sprinkles.

That being said, my daughter's room does have pink in it and she looks fucking adorable in bows.

I refuse to go past LGBT+ when it comes to acronyms. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH, PEOPLE. I cannot possibly actually use LGBTQQIP2SAA. No. NO. It's not that I dislike anyone...but at some point the acronym is just not effective. Maybe a discussion needs to be had about that, and when a more practical term presents itself I will use it, but until then I'm sticking with the plus. Please don't hate me.

So there ya go. I'm a bad feminist. Just like I'm a bad lotsofotherthings. But I'm trying, and that's a start.