It took me a while to land on my word of the year for 2018. I wanted something that referred to living simply and finding joy in small things...kind of like a cross between minimalist and hygge. I really just wanted to focus on the things I actually care about, instead of all the things the world is shouting. I need peace and focus.
This applies to all aspects of my life- being more financially responsible, being a more patient mother, being a non-asshole person in a world flooded with social media and a reason to always be mad no matter what your beliefs are.
So my word of the year finally came to me- pause. When I googled, I immediately recognized and related to the two separate but correlating definitions:
- to stop temporarily
- to linger for a time
These are both necessary for me.
I have to stop reacting immediately. I have to stop assuming that the bad I see is all there is. I have to stop putting people, even seemingly bad ones, into one dimension. I have to stop reacting with frustration to my child who is literally new at everything in life. I have to stop thinking that the people around me think like I do. I have to stop and question- am I living out the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control)? Am I adding to the good in the world, or the bad?
I also have to learn to linger. My life has felt like it's go-go-go since having a baby. It's always something, there's always someone. While it's the opposite of the intention, even "self-care" has become another to-do task on the checklist; how can I maximize this 10 minutes of Me Time? Do I sleep or paint my toenails or eat a cookie or call my congressman or read a book?
I have values, guys.
Good, important values that come from my religion but also extend to the world at large. I have spent much time in deep personal reflection and prayer and research to choose these values. I need to linger on those. And it's hard, but it's what I want my life to be.
When looking up definitions and quotes, I came across this one:
Human freedom involes our capacity to pause, to choose the one response to which we wish to throw our weight.
-Rollo May
That is exactly what I want to do this year. I want to focus on myself, and truly think about where I am throwing my mental and emotional weight.
This is not to say I won't call or write my representatives, but maybe it means sharing a resource like 5calls.org or Resistbot or the Contact Elected Officials or NPR's Up First podcast rather than simply retweeting a click-bait headline.
It's not to say I won't buy new things, but I can commit to the Thirty Wears attitude or shop at thrift stores more.
It means that when I say I'm a Christian, I have read the Bible and prayed enough to be secure that my life choices reflect that sacred title (because as a believer, yes it is sacred to be called that).
Here's to 2018.
Here's to pausing, to stopping momentarily, to lingering for a time.
