Confession: this mom thing is kicking my butt.
It's hard.
It's hard for me to be a mom and a wife and a cook and a cleaner.
My dogs are being completely ignored.
I just don't know how to juggle it all.
And there are so many people in my life who make me think I
should be able to juggle it all. And with a big ass smile on my face.
A friend's husband was talking about how he's had to work a lot of overtime and it puts more work on her and she piped up to say "
Oh it's fine, I like my baby."
Right...because only people who dislike their baby find it hard. Only people who dislike their baby actually want their spouse and co-parent around.
My heart melted.
And then it started beating really really hard. I had to practically push my husband out the door because I was going to have a panic attack if I continued to share a physical space with this person.
I love my kid. I do. She's a super cool baby.
But I don't know how to have one-on-one quality time with her while also getting dinner on the table for myself and my husband, who works 10+ hours a day and more than deserves a hot dinner. I don't know how to have a floor clean enough for her to crawl around on when her and the dogs are constantly creating a giant mess.
Liking her- loving her- does not give me more hours of the day or the ability to clone myself.
I think I just need to give up sleep, maybe?
But sleep is sometimes the only time my husband and I get together...the only time I can
just sit somewhere and be loved without pressure to do something.
Some people say it would be easier if we lived near our families. I do not like my hometown, so I don't know how being there would help my peace of mind. And since my family mostly just asks why I do what I do or why I don't do the things I don't do, I'm not sure that giving them more opportunities to micromanage me would be helpful.
And saying it would be easier if someone else could take over- it feels like they're saying I'm inherently such a shit mom that I literally need to give her to other people so they can do it better.
WTF? How is THAT encouraging?!?!
I know these people probably aren't intentially trying to hurt me.
But they are. They are lashing me emotionally every single time they give an opinion. They are cutting me every time they push something on me that I don't want, and treating me like I'm a freak for wanting anything else.
All I want in this world, is for someone to tell me that it's okay to be a working mom who struggles.
My life is hard right now. I don't need advice on how to fix it, I don't need pity- or even sympathy. I chose thise life, and there really isn't anything I want to change. But it's hard.
I just need to a friend to toast to the beautiful mess I'm living in.
