The Best Parenting Advice I've Gotten

 It came from the last place I would have guessed. Literally. I would have rolled my eyes at you if you had told me the person and place, and basically blew it off. But it was what I needed to hear, more than anything else.

"Don't teach that baby to worry."

Did ya read my post about being on the struggle bus? Um, worrying is about all I do sometimes.

So this slapped me. Really, really hard. 

It's so true.

I don't want my little girl to grow up thinking that it's unavoidable to be ridden with anxiety all the time. 

We all feel it- and I'm sure she will. She already does! When she is hungry, she thinks she will be hungry forever. She doesn't care if I'm literally cutting up her food right now- she's screaming to make sure I know.

Part of my job as a mother should be to teach her to manage life and the inevitable stress it brings.

Not to complain, not to feel hopeless, not to take it out on those around me. I am supposed to help her- I am supposed to be a model.

This is one of the only pieces of advice that has felt true, and right, and actually lined up with my own values. 

I think my issues stem from the fact that people are telling me to act like them...because that's how they made it through this thing called parenting.

And I get that. It's natural to say "Well this is how I did it."

But y'all, I'm a weirdo.

I stupidly have these values where I want to be calm- steady- quiet. I want to endure.

I want to be a lighthouse- steady, shining brightly, built precisely for the storm rather than being tossed around by it. 

That's what I actually want to be as a mother. Not a drill Sargent, not a soft fluffy pillow or bubble wrap...I want to be a lighthouse.

I've been putting so much stress on myself to be a good mother. Really, I just need to be a good person.

I need to do the right thing. Not "the right thing" as a mom, a wife, whatever...just a good damn person.

It's just living out my values, in every relationship, consistently. When I think of it like that...it's not pressure from other people. It's me, doing what I want. 

And that fills me with hope.

Add It To My List: April 2017

 Link-up creators are Lauren from Eat, Drink, & Be Lauren and Bre from Bre Writes. Basically, they are always recommending things to each other- podcasts, television shows, music, blah blah blah. And they figured- why not share even further?

 Y'all, this month has completely snuck up on me (apparently Blogger doesn't recognize snuck as a word...should it be sneaked? That sounds wrong...). Usually I have a draft going all month long that I add things too...guess I didn't do that this month.

• Up First 
• This is an NPR podcast (dear God, how I love NPR) that gives you daily news in a 10-20 minute burst. It seems fairly unbiased (ok, NPR may lean a little left but it at least mentions both sides of an issue or just sticks to facts of what is happening). It also doesn't drag on so long that I lose hope for all that is good in the world. 

• 13 Reasons Why 
• This is a Netflix show based on Jay Asher's book. It's controversial- deals with rape, suicide, and general morality. Some argue that it glorifies suicide, rather than presenting it as a tragedy...I don't know about that. It's a difficult show to watch, and may be a trigger for some...but it's definitely worth discussing and thinking about. If nothing else, it shows the way we all affect each other, for better or worse, and we need to take more responsibility for our actions. That's not being sensitive, it's just not being a dick.

• Lularoe Perfect-T 
•  I finally jumped on the damn LLR bandwagon. Feelings so far: Probably priced too high, leggings are cool but you can find cheaper, pencil skirt (Cassie?) is cute and comfy...maybe could find cheaper, but depends on if you like patterns...but this Perfect-T. I freakin' love it. Can wear with leggins, can belt it with jeans...it's super cute and fits my hip-y self perfectly (not free love hippie....just short girl with curves hip-y). 

• The idea of Free Range Parenting 
•   I vaguely remember this being a big thing a few years ago...now as a parent it seems I am way more into this idea than the current wave of helicopter parenting. Basically- give your kids some independence. They'll survive. Statistically speaking, they'll almost certainly be fine. 

• Sheet Pan Shrimp Boil
• This was our dinner last night and it was soooo yummy! Although next time we will probably add more shrimp and/or sausage- I was full but we didn't have enough to have leftovers, which is big in our family.

Seems like as good a place as any to ask- I am looking for frugal/budget blogs and also minimalist/simple living blogs. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

What have you been loving this month? 

Link-up & share!

Please, Don't Smile at Me

There is this thing that people say, especially to women:

Smile, it's not that bad! Smile, you're so much prettier that way!

This is super annoying.

So I'm here to say, please don't smile at me.

Not unless you really want to.

Look, I live in the South and we're supposed to be all about hospitality. Which is cool. But...I'm not a natural smile-er.

I try it, at work. And I feel like a super lame phony.

WHY?

Because I barely laugh when I hear a joke, okay. I don't want to be a performing monkey.



And really, that's what what people want. They don't want to have to admit that life isn't perfect. They don't want to hear an honest answer to "How are you?" They just want to mosey along and pretend everything is fine, so they don't have to deal with your problems.

Well, I just want to say- you don't owe these people anything. 

You don't owe anyone your happiness, except yourself. And if you are happier planning a blog post or outfit in your head then in making pointless chitchat about the weather with a smile on your face- fantastic. DO THAT.

I'm not saying be rude.

And if you notice you are aiming your RBF in a particular person's direction, maybe move that angry-appearing gaze to the floor or ceiling so they don't think you're going to attack them.




But you don't have to smile, and it's BS that anyone believes you owe them one.

You don't owe me anything. But things are that bad, I'm offering to listen. And probably try to give you a glass of wine to help. You're welcome, friend.