The Best Parenting Advice I've Gotten

 It came from the last place I would have guessed. Literally. I would have rolled my eyes at you if you had told me the person and place, and basically blew it off. But it was what I needed to hear, more than anything else.

"Don't teach that baby to worry."

Did ya read my post about being on the struggle bus? Um, worrying is about all I do sometimes.

So this slapped me. Really, really hard. 

It's so true.

I don't want my little girl to grow up thinking that it's unavoidable to be ridden with anxiety all the time. 

We all feel it- and I'm sure she will. She already does! When she is hungry, she thinks she will be hungry forever. She doesn't care if I'm literally cutting up her food right now- she's screaming to make sure I know.

Part of my job as a mother should be to teach her to manage life and the inevitable stress it brings.

Not to complain, not to feel hopeless, not to take it out on those around me. I am supposed to help her- I am supposed to be a model.

This is one of the only pieces of advice that has felt true, and right, and actually lined up with my own values. 

I think my issues stem from the fact that people are telling me to act like them...because that's how they made it through this thing called parenting.

And I get that. It's natural to say "Well this is how I did it."

But y'all, I'm a weirdo.

I stupidly have these values where I want to be calm- steady- quiet. I want to endure.

I want to be a lighthouse- steady, shining brightly, built precisely for the storm rather than being tossed around by it. 

That's what I actually want to be as a mother. Not a drill Sargent, not a soft fluffy pillow or bubble wrap...I want to be a lighthouse.

I've been putting so much stress on myself to be a good mother. Really, I just need to be a good person.

I need to do the right thing. Not "the right thing" as a mom, a wife, whatever...just a good damn person.

It's just living out my values, in every relationship, consistently. When I think of it like that...it's not pressure from other people. It's me, doing what I want. 

And that fills me with hope.