Photo by Tiago Bandeira on Unsplash
I don't really know why.
Maybe it's hubby's new job, which is great but has thrown off our routine- and routines are basically my lifeblood now. It's how I cope, and I am not doing well with revamping them.
Maybe it is my lack of sleep...or maybe my lack of sleep is because of the anxiety. It's a "chicken or egg" conundrum.
Maybe it's my birthday coming up? A stereotypical freak-out about being one year closer to 30?
Maybe it's the fact that I've worked out a little more than normal, but not taking the time to stretch/etc properly? (although working out is kind of addicting right now also and feels like it might be the only thing keeping me from slipping all the way into the shadows)
I tried looking up anti-anxiety techniques, but most of the ones I can find are for panic attacks specifically which is not really what I experience. It's more of a creeping feeling, but last time it lead to an anxiety attack after a few months so I really want to find a way to deal with it before I get to that point.
Anyway...that's where I am lately.
I told Teh German last night that right now is the first time since before we started the house buying stuff (so Nov 2015), that I've felt FREE. There's nothing looming over my head, no house, no wedding, no huge vacation, no school. It's daunting and freeing and I know it's a limited time because school starts again on July 5th, so I'm just trying to lead into it and embrace it before the anxiety kicks back up again for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have words of wisdom, but I get it.
For me, I have to make lists of things to accomplish when I'm about to spiral out of control. The list helps me visual that all these "problems" are only obstacles to over come and aren't actually crippling tasks for the most part.
I think it's probably just tied to our routines being off, and also waiting on the foster care thing. We are licensed, but waiting to be "matched" basically. So any day now our lives could change drastically...but we don't know how or when. And waiting has never been my strong suit. Hopefully identifying the cause will help me work through it some.
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